Monthly Archives: March 2018

Roman, Party Promoter/Cafe Owner, Bratislava, Slovakia

photo by Kevin Truong

Roman, in his own words: “Being gay is a substantial part of my identity. As a gay I see life differently. It impacts my whole perception of the world, people, relationships, my personal value. It means I don′t accept stereotypes and prejudices, instead I always try to find the real value of things.

An acceptance of my true self in the depth of my heart was a huge challenge for me. I come from a small village where everything different is a big problem. To feel free in that kind of environment wasn′t easy. Living in bigger cities brought more freedom to my life, but it still wasn′t the kind of inner freedom I had longed for. The process of getting free was therefore the key challenge in my life.

And then there were those dark places, strongly connected with my gay identity. Fear, anger and that strange feeling of being sick. To become infected with those kind of thoughts and feelings was as easy as a pie, as there were no information about gays during my childhood, only a number of strongly homophobic views. Growing up in such a hetero-normative society is difficult for every gay person. It took a lot of my time and energy to understand that it is not me who is the problem here, but the society I live in.

I have always preferred telling the truth and I really don′t lie. It is so hard for me to hide and I never wanted to live like that. So, when I was 16 I came out to my best friend. When I saw she had absolutely no problem with it, I got so much energy and strength. My mother and grandmother were the next I came out to. They were surprised but later really supportive. It was really important for me.

Compared to bigger cities in the West (the gay community in Bratislava) is still too much in the closet and living more in gay online chats then in real life. But it′s changing. I have seen a big progress in the last couple of years. The scene is going to be more colourful. Gay people are more proud. And the majority is also changing, I see Bratislava as a tolerant city.

(Advice to my younger self) Do not hesitate to like yourself.:)”

Kimo, Department Coordinator, Portland, Oregon

photo by Kevin Truong

In Kimo’s own words:“Being queer for me has been a journey of coming to terms with myself and reconciling my past to forge a sustainably healthy and happy future. I was born on a small island called Saipan thrown in the ocean between somewhere and nowhere, I won’t lie it was complete paradise but it was paradise for the heterosexual machismo type guy – I was and am not that person. Most people ask where the heck is Saipan and for some just saying my island’s near Guam is enough, for others who think Guam is in the India Ocean I give more recognizable markers, south of Japan and east of Philippines – this vague broad area satisfies a western colonized frame of geography. On this small paradise being queer was a zero sum game, I could live a never-happy calm and fake straight life or I could live a challenging open queer life. Neither option sat well with me so I scrounged up some scholarship money, booked a flight to Portland, and I’ve been living a life I know I don’t regret a moment of since. I am living an intersectional existence, I was born on a US territory automatically giving me US citizenship but it came at a cost that I am continuously assessing. I say this because though I have been granted US citizenship many “Americans” never truly see me as one, I say this because my American identity clashes with my indigenous roots, I say this because my mother who is from the Republic of Palau navigates the US as an immigrant and so my narrative will always be effected by immigration policy, attitudes towards immigrants, conversations concerning immigrants, I say this because my people under this administration is starting to feel what it is truly like to be under the thumb of a white man in power and most Americans don’t even know this let alone recognize this chasm of disconnect between being an American and living as a modern day US colonial subject in 2018 – though this has always been the case for indigenous communities around the world. My intersectional existence is a mixture of my Queer, Indigenous, Fem, american POC identities and like all things living this too continues to change and grow. Living a Queer POC life in Portland is a constant fight of recognition, of defending my identities, expressing my self worth. It’s a struggle living in a majority white liberal city like Portland where I have to navigate both white wokeness and white ignorance sometimes both at the same time with the same person – I’ve become very good at juggling lately. I’ve also had to work harder towards finding my communities and nourishing my budding brown fem indigenous spirit all the while being in that limbo state of mind where I am in my late 20s thinking shit am I adulting yet or could I escape that for just a few more years? The answer regrettably is I am adulting and I have to suck it up and grow up. The advice I would give a younger me would be to breathe more, take a moment from everything to take a breath – constantly fighting to exist can be draining so don’t be afraid to take moment for yourself and breathe in the air, the space, the life you are fighting for.’

Safir, HIV Technical Expert, Bangkok, Thailand

photo by Kevin Truong

Safir, in his own words: “Being a 26 years old gay to me means: 20 years living in fear that I would end up in hell and while I was still on earth, I would be #foreveralone because of being brainwashed that God would only give a man a female soulmate (thanks to my conservative Muslim upbringing, including nine years studying in Islamic school) followed by 2 years learning that I’m not alone and not everyone/everything condemns homosexuality (thanks to a new life in Europe that I pursued while I was studying) followed by 5 years feeling awesome to be what I am (as my life here in Bangkok for the past few years is free from stigma and surrounded by open-minded people).

My successes was when I got in to the United Nations. I started as an intern two years ago and now I still cant believe that I’ve really been working with them ever since. I came from a very local uni and I was competing with kids from elite universities around the globe. Heck, I didn’t even know if I took the right master Programme prior to my internship. I do still have some insecurities with my English while working with the colleagues who are native speakers. But that’s great. I mean, that’s the only insecurity I have now and I no longer have insecurities of my sexual orientation in the office. It’s very different when I worked in an Indonesian company. I kept fearing that they would’ve bullied me if I was open about being gay.

What’s also great about my work at the UN is that, as a HIV technical expert, I’m working for the human rights of people living with HIV and key affected populations, including gay men, which is something I’ve been passionate about since I grew up. Growing up in a non-gay friendly environment really does unleash my human rights advocate side.

I haven’t come out to my parents yet – but I’ve done it to my Facebook friends. I was in IKEA with friends, they took a pic of me coming out of the showcased wardrobe and I posted that pic on my Facebook (with the caption:” just coming out of the closet”). Bam!

(With regards to the gay scene in Bangkok) This is a tricky question. I am already hearing somebody shouting at me because my answer is stereotyping the gay scene. I find the gay scene in Bangkok, in terms of nightlife, divided into two neighwhorehood: “sticky rice” AND “potato and rice” gayhoods. Or maybe not so much on what kind of race you’re into with, but more on ‘whether or not you speak Thai.” Sticky rice playground is what people refer to “local gayhood” (e.g., Ratchada, Ramkanhaeng) – where finding English-speaking Thai boys is much harder than in the ‘international’ one (e.g., Silom). I eat all kind of carbo, but I prefer the “Sticky rice” playground to the other. I can still feel the Thai’s land-of-smile manners there. no matter how packed the club is, the boys will still say “sorry” (in a very polite Thai expression) if they bump you or step on your feet.

Outside the nightlife scene, I feel that there’s no other exclusive gay scene in Bangkok. Most of the “scenes” are integrated with the non-gay ones. This just shows how Bangkok is much more progressive than other big cities in Southeast Asia.

(Advice I’d give to my younger self) You might still not have Grindr (or a Smartphone), but you are not alone. Gay people exist. Not just in the porn videos you secretly hid in the folder named “Homeworks” in your old PC. And the best part is, many of them are beautiful and full of inspiration, and they love you they way you are.”

THE GAY MEN PROJECT

The visual catalog of gay and queer men around the world.

Monthly Archives: March 2018

Roman, Party Promoter/Cafe Owner, Bratislava, Slovakia

Kimo, Department Coordinator, Portland, Oregon

Safir, HIV Technical Expert, Bangkok, Thailand