Monthly Archives: July 2016

Vitor, Law Student, Brasilia, Brazil

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Vitor, in his own words: “Ser gay me fez ser uma pessoa melhor, me ajudou a olhar para o outro com mais carinho e tolerância. Levei um tempo para aceitar a minha orientação sexual, mas hoje me sinto bem, pleno e realizado. A parte difícil é lidar com a sociedade e o preconceito. O Brasil é um país bem machista e ainda precisamos convencer uma galera de que não somos diferentes de ninguém e que merecemos o mesmo respeito e direitos das outras pessoas.

Certamente o maior desafio que a vida me deu foi o de alcançar a minha independência financeira. Nem sempre pode-se contar com o apoio das outras pessoas quando se é gay e nesse sentido ser independente foi fundamental para mim.

Já não morava com meus pais quando me assumi, mas a reação foi surpreendente. Tive muito medo, mas sentia que precisava contar. Minha mãe me disse que eu não era o primeiro e não seria o ultimo e que o amor que ela sentia por mim não mudaria jamais. Isso foi muito importante para mim. Hoje não falamos sobre esse assunto, mas não preciso mais mentir ou inventar histórias e isso é muito bom.

Acho a comunidade gay bem dispersa em Brasília. Aqui todos se conhecem pelo menos de vista, mas ainda mantemos uma certa distância uns dos outros. O engajamento é pequeno e não há um movimento LGBT consolidado. Apenas uma vez por ano é que pode-se ver muitos gays reunidos, na parada gay.

Se eu pudesse mandar um recado para mim há 10 anos seria: ouça o seu coração e faça aquilo que é certo para você. Perdi muito tempo tentando me adaptar ao que os outros diziam que era certo e sofri bastante.”

In English:

“Being gay has made me a better person, helped me to look at others with more kindness and tolerance. It took me a while to accept my sexual orientation, but today I feel good, full and fulfilled. The hard part is dealing with society and prejudice. Brazil is a very macho country and we still need to convince a galley that we are no different from anyone else and that we deserve the same respect and rights of others.

Certainly the biggest challenge that life gave me was to achieve my financial independence. One can not always count on the support of others when one is gay and in that sense being independent was key for me.

(With regards to coming out) I no longer lived with my parents when I told them, but the reaction was surprising. I was too afraid, but felt the need to tell. My mother told me I was not the first and would not be the last and that the loved me and her feelings for me would not change ever. This was very important to me. Today we do not talk about this, but I don’t need to lie or make up stories and that’s very good.

I think the gay community well dispersed in Brasilia. Here everyone knows at least each other by sight, but still maintain a certain distance from one another. The engagement is small and there is a consolidated LGBT movement. Only once a year can you can see many assembled gays in a gay parade.

If I could send a message to myself 10 years ago it would be: listen to your heart and do what is right for you. I lost a lot of time trying to fit in to what others said it was right and suffered enough.”

Kechi, Designer, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Kechi, in his own words: “Being gay is the ultimate quest of finding self-worth with or without the validation of outside sources. Be it family, piers, society etc. Just as well it means knowing who you are, what you’re about and what you are capable of despite what the world and your current situation tells you.

(With regards to challenges) Too many to count. But finishing college and coming out to my parents have by far been the hardest. Another challenge has been and continues to be knowing what exactly a gay, black/Nigerian, Christian man with aspirations of becoming a fashion designer looks like. The fact that I’m still seeking it despite the odds in a way is its own success.

The gay community in New York City is a lot of things good and bad; large, superficial, diverse, political, colorful, progressive, Eurocentric, intellectual, ageist, fabulous, transgressive, homophobic, spiritual, hedonistic and the list goes on. But ultimately it is what you make it. If you want to party and do drugs there are plenty of people who are more than willing to do that with you. And if you want to further your growth as an individual and are open to having new experiences there are plenty of folks to go down that path with as well.

(With regards to coming out) In a nutshell when I was 16 my mom caught me looking at certain materials on the internets. Ten years later not too much has changed. It’s more like the big pink elephant in the middle of the room that no one talks about. I’ve told them on more than one occasion that I am gay and I didn’t ‘choose’ to be so but they refuse to believe that. Both of my parents come from very conservative backgrounds so the likelihood of them ever truly accepting me as their gay son is slim. But what’s hope for anyway?

I would tell my younger self a couple things:

-Grow thick skin, because it will definitely come in handy.

-Finding a meaningful relationship at the club; very unlikely.

-Sex is great but it can get really old, really fast.

-The sooner you are able to disregard what others say and think about you the better off you’ll be.

-Do not fall victim of finding self worth in materialistic and superficial possessions as so many people have and continue to do.

-You’ll never be completely ‘out’ of the closet; it’s a life long process.

-Some weekends are better spent staying in whether alone or with the company of friends.”

Dirk and Christian, Nurse and Waiter, Zurich, Switzerland

photo by Kevin Truong

Dirk (left) and Christian (right)photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Christian (left) and Dirk (right) photo by Kevin Truong

Christian (left) and Dirk (right) photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Dirk, in his own words: “(Being gay) is nothing special. I am what I am.

Ich habe mich schon vielen Herausforderungen in meinem Leben stellen müssen, und auch schon einige Erfolge erzielt. Aber keine davon hat etwas mit meiner Sexualität zu tun.
Ich stehe zu meiner Sexualität, aber sie steht in meinem Leben nicht im Vordergrund!

(My coming out story) Auch die ist sehr langweilig und unspektakulär. Da ich schon im Alter von 17 Jahren zuhause ausgezogen bin, und mir erst mit 21 klar wurde, dass ich schwul bin, war es für mich nicht sehr schwer, meinen Eltern zu sagen, dass ich schwul bin. Was sollte schon passieren??
Ich hatte schon mein eigenes unabhängiges Leben in einer Stadt 60 km von meinen Eltern entfernt. Meine Mutter war erst sehr geschockt und traurig, aber mein Vater sagte nur: “Aber du bleibst trotzdem mein Sohn”.

Die gay Community in Zürich ist sehr klein. Es gibt leider nicht sehr viele Bars, Discotheken oder dergleichen. Ich empfinde es oft sehr oberflächlich. Einer möchte schöner sein als der andere. Ich mag so etwas nicht, von daher gehe ich nur selten schwul aus. Außerdem glauben alle Veranstalter von schwulen Events, dass wir Schwulen eh viel Geld haben und alles bezahlen. Darum verlangen sie unverschämt teure Preise für Eintritt und Getränke. Es nervt, nur weil es eine schwule Veranstaltung ist, fast das doppelte an Preisen zu bezahlen!!!

(Advice to my younger self) Mach alles genau so wie ich es schon gemacht habe. Sei du selbst, lebe und genieße dein Leben!Akzeptiere deine Sexualität, aber stelle sie nicht in den Vordergrund deines Lebens!!Sei einfach du selbst!!!!”

In English:

“(Being gay is) nothing special. I am what I am.

I have already had to face many challenges in my life, and already achieved some success. But none of them has anything to do with my sexuality.
I stand by my sexuality, but it is not the most important thing in my life!

(My coming out story) is very boring and unexciting. Since I moved away from home at the age of 17, it was only until I was 21 that realized that I was gay. It was for me not very hard. I had moved out on my own in a town 60km from my parents. My mother was just very shocked and sad, but my father just said, “But still, you remain my son”.

The gay community in Zurich is very small. Unfortunately, there are not a lot of bars, discos and the like. I find it often very superficial. One wants to be more beautiful than the other. I do not like such a thing, so I’m rarely out. In addition, all organizers of gay events believe that we have a lot of money and that gays can pay for everything. That’s why they charge outrageously expensive prices for admission and drinks. It sucks, just because it’s a gay event, we have to pay almost twice the price!!!

(Advice to my younger self) Do everything exactly the way I’ve done it. Be yourself, and enjoy your life! Accept your sexuality, but do not put it in the forefront of your life!! Just be yourself !!!!”

Christian, in his own words: “Ich würde sicherlich nicht behaupten stolz zu sein, dass ich schwul bin. Aber ich bin es gern und hatte auch nie den Gedanken es nicht sein zu wollen. Allerdings hatte ich auch das grosse Glück, in diesem Zusammenhang die beste Familie der Welt zu haben! Mein Coming Out verlief von daher relativ unspektakulär……

Zwar war ich schon 20 und bin mir die Jahre davor langsam bewusst geworden, dass ich auf Männer stehe, aber in der Kleinstadt fehlten mir dann doch die Bezugspunkte zur Schwulenszene. Ein halbes Jahr vorher, ich war mit meiner besten Freundin Shirley nach einem Spaziergang voller Schweigen auf dem Friedhof gelandet, fragte sie mich die alles entscheidende Frage: “Bist du schwul, oder was??” Das nächste halbe Jahr sollte sie die einzige bleiben, die es wusste….. (so dachte ich).

Es war 1995 und Pfingsten stand vor der Tür. Ich las im Schädelspalter, einem Veranstaltungsblatt für Hannover, vom “Tummelplatz der Lüste”, dem schwullesbischen Pfingstwochenende. Von da an nahm es seinen Lauf….. Ich nahm meinen ganzen Mut zusammen und fuhr nach Hannover zum Strassenfest am Steintor. Es war schon ziemlich aufregend, fehlte mir bis dahin doch jeglicher Kontakt zu anderen Schwulen. Um dieses “Überangebot” erstmal zu verdauen, fuhr ich am Nachmittag wieder heim (Ich wohnte noch bei meinen Eltern, eine halbe Stunde von Hannover entfernt), um dann schon unterwegs im Zug zu beschliessen, am Abend wieder in “die grosse Stadt” zu fahren, um abends auf die Party auf dem Pelikanareal, einem alten Werksgelände, zu gehen. Meinen Eltern erzählte ich, mit Kollegen auszugehen und über Nacht dort zu bleiben. Von da an nahm alles seinen Lauf…. Mein erster Pride, meine erste Gayparty, mein erster Kuss, mein erstes Mal und meine erste Beziehung…… all dieses sollte ich in dieser Nacht erleben, bzw. sollte in dieser Nacht beginnen. Die Beziehung hielt 17 Monate und es war eine wirklich sehr schöne Zeit…..

Eine Woche später war ich schon wieder “mit Kollegen unterwegs”. Zumindest war es das, was ich meinen Eltern erzählte. Komisch nur, dass ich vorher noch nie etwas mit meinen Kollegen unternommen hatte ;0))

Nach diesem Wochenende sagte ich zu meinem Freund, dass ich mich am Montag bei meiner Familie outen würde. Er hat es mir nicht geglaubt.

Aber gesagt – getan! Ich kam am Montag Abend von der Arbeit nach Hause, rief bei meinem Bruder und seiner Freundin an, dass sie doch bitte vorbei kommen sollen, da ich was zu verkünden hätte und sie gern dabei hätte. Meine (inzwischen) Schwägerin war sehr ungeduldig und hakte alsbald nach, was denn nun wichtiges sei? Und da fielen sie auch schon, die berüchtigten drei Worte:

“Ich bin schwul!”

Mein Bruder, an die Wand gelehnt, rutschte zu Boden. Er dachte, ich würde Vater werden . Von meinem Vater kam wie aus der Kanone geschossen: “Das wusste ich schon vor zwei Jahren!” Ich dachte nur: “wie schön – ich nicht…..”

Der Rest ging von ganz allein. Meine Mutter hat es dem Rest der Familie verkündet, am nächsten Wochenende hat Sven mich bei meinen Eltern abgeholt und das Wochenende darauf hat er das erste Mal bei mir geschlafen. Zu Silvester war eine Party im Hotel, in dem ich damals meine Ausbildung machte. Ich nahm ihn mit dorthin und habe ihn um Mitternacht einfach vor versammelter Mannschaft geküsst. Somit war das dann auch erledigt ;0))

Wie schon erwähnt hatte ich grosses Glück in der Familie und im Freundeskreis und weiss durchaus, dass es viele nicht so einfach hatten oder haben. Dafür möchte ich mich ganz herzlich Bedanken!

Mit Dirk bin ich jetzt seit 16 Jahren zusammen und fast 13 Jahre glücklich verheiratet ❤️.

2010 sind wir in die Schweiz ausgewandert und leben seitdem sehr glücklich in Zürich. Die Szene ist hier überschaubar, aber unsere Sturm – und Drangzeit haben wir eh hinter uns gelassen. Gerade sitze ich im Bus von Zürich nach München. Dieses Wochenende ist dort Christopher Street Day und wir werden bei der Parade mitlaufen. In der Hoffnung, dass es auch in Deutschland und der Schweiz bald die Ehe für alle geben wird – mit allen Rechten und Pflichten!”

In English:

“I certainly would not claim to be proud that I’m gay. But I like it and have never thought about not wanting to be gay. However, I also had the good fortune to have in this context the best family in the world! My coming out was therefore relatively unspectacular ……

Although I was 20 and slowly became aware that I was attracted to men, in the small town I lived there were no reference points for the gay community. A year later, I was with my best friend Shirley and after a walk of full silence in the cemetery, she asked the crucial question: “Are you gay, or what ??” The next six months she would be the only one who knew it ….. (so I thought).

It was 1995 and Pentecost was approaching. I read in Skullsplitter, an event journal for Hannover, the “playground of Earthly Delights”, the gay and lesbian Whitsun weekend. From then on it took its course. I took all my courage and went to Hannover for the street party at Stone Gate. It was pretty exciting, until then I had not had any contact with other gays. In order to digest this “glut” at first, I went in the afternoon back home (I was still living with my parents, a half hour from Hanover), and then to decided on the train, in the evening in “the big city” to go to the evening party at the Pelican area, an old factory premise. My parents told me to go out with colleagues and stay there overnight. From then on, everything took its course. My first Pride, my first gay party, my first kiss, my first time and my first relationship, all this I experienced on that night. The relationship held 17 months and it was a really lovely time.

A week later I was back “with colleagues on the go.” At least it was what I told my parents. Just funny that I had never done anything with my colleagues; 0))

After this weekend, I said to my friend that I would come out with my family on Monday. He did not believe me.

But said and – done! I arrived on Monday evening from work to home, phoned my brother and his girlfriend that they should please come over because I had something to announce and she would have liked it. My (now) sister was very impatient and probed immediately what was so important? And then came the infamous three words:

“I am gay!”

My brother, leaning against the wall, slid to the ground. He thought I’d be a father . From my father came as if shot from a cannon, “I already knew two years ago!” I just thought, “How beautiful – I did not …..”

The rest went of their own accord. My mother had announced to the rest of the family, next weekend Sven picked me up at my parents and the weekend after that he slept with me for the first time. New Year’s Eve was a party at the hotel where at the time I was training. I took him there and kissed him at midnight just before the assembled troops. Thus, it was then completed; 0))

As already mentioned I was very lucky with regards to my family and friends and am well aware that there are many who have not had not so simple an experience. I would like to express my sincere thanks!

With Dirk, I am now 16 years together and happily married almost 13 years ❤️. In 2010 we have emigrated to Switzerland and now are very happy in Zurich. The scene here is manageable, but our storm – und Drang period, we have always left behind. Right now I’m sitting on a bus from Zurich to Munich. This weekend there runs along Christopher Street Day and we are at the parade. In the hope that there will be marriage for all soon in Germany and Switzerland – with all the rights and obligations!”