I’ve had great success at finding a really amazing queer family, but within that I’ve learned to come to terms with the relative narrowness of my own experience and to respect other people more. I only know how to do me, but you know what? I love it. Tight jeans, big hair, and a mild obsession with Tonya Harding. The challenge I think is approaching this diverse community of queens and queers with enough compassion and respect to leave room for everyone to feel totally accepted.

Gay life in Portland is lively but small. I think after spending the last ten years here and being recently single, you realize how incestuous it can feel. For dating, that is. The community is fantastic. There are so many radical and wild people doing amazing performance art and throwing these really avant-garde parties and it’s mixed. Boys and girls. The lesbians and the gays in Portland get along really well and collaborate a lot. I think that’s rare to find in a lot of other cities and it lends itself to creating some really amazing artistic experiences.

When I was a little boy I was very effeminate. Before I even knew I was gay, people would call me a faggot and laugh at me and push me down. That stuck with me for a while and it made me feel ashamed to come out and really embrace myself. When I was a junior in high school though, I spent a year as an exchange student in Brazil. Being taken out of my own element like that really helped me grow. I came back thinking “You know what? Fuck this, I’m gay and I don’t care what you people think”. So I started coming out to people when I was 17. I told most of my family when I was 18, and they were all really cool about it. Actually I’ve never had a bad reaction to coming out to anyone, even as I continue to do so with new people I meet. Maybe part of that is living on the west coast, but people are always fine with it.

So far, I have been successful at being different from other (Korean) people and being somewhat independent. Koreans usually live with their parents and get allowance from their parents until they get married but I moved out in my early twenties. I know it doesn’t look like a big deal to a lot of westerners but here in Seoul – where being different is almost a sin – it was not so easy. Being independent is followed by responsibilities but I still try to keep my young and wild side as well as the sense of humour and the childlike quality. Challenges? Depression, anxiety and money!

I was out to my friends for a while and that happened naturally because most of my friends are very open minded Koreans who have experienced foreign cultures, artists, or non-Koreans. However, my mom was a Korean woman who have never really been outside Korea so I kept postponing coming out to her because I didn’t wanna deal with all the possible dramas that might have followed the coming out. One day, I just thought coming out to her would free me in many ways so I just did it. Though, I had to bring my gay best friend because I needed someone who would support me and encourage me, haha. I grew up with a lot of American TV series with my family so my mom was pretty open minded and there’s was no drama or anything. I’m lucky because a lot of Koreans struggle so much when they come out.

(With regards to the gay community in Seoul) There are two big categories. One is the category of people who are totally or somewhat out. They are usually also very open minded and well-experienced with foreign cultures. They usually hang out in Itaewon where the clubs are. The other is the category of people who are not out. They tend to be conservative and trapped in traditional/old values. They hang out with their tiny group of friends in Jongno where there are Korean style bars. I am supposed to understand and respect both people but I love clubbing so much so I don’t really know people from the latter category.