Monthly Archives: February 2016

Marcus, Network Desk Operator/Animal Activist, Bratislava, Slovakia

photo by Kevin Truong

Marcus, in his own words: “For me being gay expresses mostly the sexuality and gender that you are attracted most to, and who you choose to love. It also means being yourself, to live life how you want without restrictions, to kiss your partner when you feel you want to, hold his hand, and to love passionately.

Well, there were many challenges (in my life) and I believe that all of them has its importance and moves you forward. When I was a teenager I was pretty curious about sexuality and sex itself, so I had met a few guys to have fun with. But the first one I had met, gave me something that others hadn’t, so we had kind of a relationship. He was a person with some past, so he practically showed me the gay scene. I trusted him, and betrayal happened. It was some time that we were not in much contact. I had to do some checkups, and the doctor also needed to test my partner, so I informed him, but the doctor said he was not coming, therefore I gave her his name. The next information that was given to me was that this man was tested for HIV and his results were positive. The worst thing is that he knew and didn’t tell me anything. It was a really hard part of my life for me and my family. Luckily the tests said I was healthy. I still get tested regularly and I also check and ask my partners about their health.

Now I can say that the success is that I’m healthy and alive (haha) J but it is true. Things at home weren’t as good as I would like them to be at that time, so I was dreaming about living on my own live. The first time I left was when I was 17. I had graduated from high school, while I had a little business with jewelry with my boyfriend. That guy that I had met when I was 17 and I realized that I wanted him so much, that I decided I had to get him, so that was the success no. 2 🙂 We were together a lot of beautiful and hard times as well, that kind of relationship gives you the experiences you need. And today I live with my friends in Bratislava, and I have job that I love, perfect people around me, am living a vegan lifestyle, and investing my free time in activism for animals and the environment.

My coming out story is long, it is being done as I go. When it comes to the topic, when somebody asks me about my partner I just respond about him in the masculine gender and thats it, sometimes people get it just as we have the conversation. However it started with my mom, when I was watching, or more like staring at Marilyn Manson’s clip (I think it was this is the new shit) actually I was staring at him because of his extravagancy, but she asked me if I was a bisexual so I just replied yes. She wasn’t excited about it, but I didn’t care 😉 We just had it hard with each other.

The gay community in Bratislava is.. .hmm thats the hard question. It is colorful like a rainbow I would say. Mostly you find here a lot of hookups like everywhere I think. Then there are the best guys that you don’t find because they already have boyfriends or they are just hidden, pretending to be straight. And then normal guys like me that are waiting for the right one, while working on myself.

To my younger myself I would give advice about being self-confident and to look at the things from a higher perspective. Every time. And mostly in hard times. Also to know that everything will always be okay, and if it is not, it is not the end. Everything happens for a reason and has its purpose. Always think with your head, don’t let others think for you! Live like a party monster, don’t dream it, be it!”

Jenabi, Architect, Singapore

photo by Kevin Truong

Jenabi, in his own words: “At the age of 23, I accepted an offer to study in Krakow for a term and that turned my world upside down. I had never felt freer in my life – I knew no one and no one knew me. I allowed myself to be myself and uninhibited which went a little overboard at that time.

All my new friends were probably more shocked by the way I introduced myself as queer then the idea of me being gay.

Imagine, a conservative Asian man who came out with his eyes wide open, not blinking and whispered when I’m about to say the word ‘gay’.

However, it quickly struck me that this whole gay thing wasn’t going to be an issue as I thought! No one treated me or judged my abilities any differently. They probably love me more and are happy that I’m comfortable with myself. Lotsa positive vibes. My time in Krakow was magical and it was then I felt that I finally lived for the first time.

That was the first gift I gave myself after 23 years of living. I like to think I turned 1 y.o. that year ☺ It was my first step of self-acceptance.

When I turned 2, I was given another chance to study abroad in Copenhagen. I wasn’t as excited as last time but this trip I met a guy.

I’m usually very analytical and practical by nature, but with him, with his piercing baby blue eyes, his openness, and humor I could not resist this charming Viking descendant. Knowing that I had an expiry date in Copenhagen I still let myself fall deep into it. My time in Copenhagen was more like a fairy tale, lost in time, exploring the snowy city with him, on the bike by day and in his arm by night.

He was the second gift I allowed myself to fall into.

Cheers to uncertainty, spontaneousity and love.

We decided to make a trip to my hometown when my term ended, as a ‘best friend’.

Before going home, I planned a trip to Germany over Christmas knowing that he would be celebrating it with his family and I should not intrude. Something about Christmas in Hamburg, the Christmas markets, couples holding hands; the snow evokes a strong sense of loneliness in me. I saw Starbucks from a distance and immediately in my mind Starbucks = free wifi, I thought talking to a familiar voice would help until halfway through the conversation I blurted out.

Sis, u know the friend who is visiting next year? ya mum told me about it.

He is more than just a friend.

Dead silence. She was lost of words. What have I done? I assumed that she would be able to accept it. Everything from thereon went downhill and the news spread like a wildfire within my family. I was nowhere near to explain and was left no choice to leave it suspending mid-air. Nobody was happy about it and it was nerve breaking.

So it was official, I came out at the age of 3. Well to be fair, it wasn’t my plan to come out to the whole family. Thanks to my sis, I didn’t need to do it myself. However, coming from an Asian family, we are best in not talking about the issue and it became the taboo topic of the house that thou shalt not speak of!

I had a choice then. Either I could chose to turn away from my family and continue my solitary living or I could put my head down, be there until the wave past. Tough times … We all of us have a choice. But being gay..nope! Not a choice.

Unfortunately not all fairytales have a happy ending. My relationship with the Viking ended before I turned 5. We’ve been through a lot, up and downs, our silly travels and hygge-ing around. Thank you for all the unconditionally love, happy memories you left me with. Thanks for shaping me into a better man and making me believe in same sex love.

I’d experience love and being love.

I matter to someone and respected .

We built a life together in each other’s warmth and embrace.

The only thing is I share all of this with a man.

I am 6 years old now. Now that I am out on the other side, I’m glad I came to terms with myself. I can see the dark times in my early life, the utter confusion, the crippling self- hate moments. I was so upset and wanted to end it all. All is good now and will get better.

I long for the day when my family will accept me for who I am but we shall not linger on that thought too rigidly. We are not defined by our sexuality. We are much more than that; it’s just our natural attraction to a currywurst over a pink taco. Things will come into places over time. Don’t rush it.”

A Note from Sergi, Student, Barcelona, Spain…

Sergi, in his own words: “I am a student living in Barcelona (Catalonia). And I would like to first introduce myself a little. I was born in Ukraine in 1997, but came to Spain three years later, to be adopted by my actual parents. I have no contact with my biological parents, because I don’t know them. My childhood could say was happy, maybe not so much on the inside, which worsened at the age of 12, when I was discovering who I was. I finally accepted myself though, it took me a few years. I came out of the closet at the age of 13, but I came out of the closet before I actually knew that I liked boys. Hahah I did the reverse. All went well until my mother began to see when I got older that I related to other guys, but now we don’t have any problems. My sexuality was never a problem at school that others would get involved with me, on the contrary to some people I was someone to follow, because they saw that I was still myself even though people insulted me.

Now that I have presented myself, I would say that Barcelona is a city where being homosexual is not a problem. It is a city where I feel very free with my sexuality and where most people accept it, that’s because Barcelona is a very touristy town.

Love. Love. I never felt in love, well, I felt love but it wasn’t reciprocated. As they say in Moulin Rouge “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.” I still have not learned. It is a very sensitive and important issue for me, to love and be loved. That must have origins in childhood, I spent the first three years of my life without feeling that somebody loved me, because I was in an orphanage. All my life, from the 15, I began to obsess on finding love and now, after four years, I have not found it. They always tell me that love does not seek, it is. I am a very impatient person and also think love is the solution to everything. I look like a romance writer, but I want to find happiness. I think that love is the solution to everything that is a problem, but every time I see clearer. I have to say that I have had opportunities to fall in love, to have a couple, but I became afraid. Strange not? I want to love and when I see that I can have it I will. I think I want to find love but I’m not ready. When I was younger, I thought falling in love with someone or having someone fall in love with you was a quick thing. But it is not so, and I have learned that later. I have a sad memory, from the past. I met someone who later would break my fantasies of love and make me believe that I was just a sexual object, but now I’m a new kind of guy. I am a person and I deserve respect.

Finally I would say that being gay to me does not change my nature, I have always believed that my sexual orientation is not what defines me. An example: “Hi, I’m gay and my name is Sergi” this phrase is not something I want, I prefer, “Hello, my name is Sergi and I am a person.Finally, I would like to tell you something else about me. In the future I would like to be a filmmaker. Also related to the cinema, next year, I will enter film school and I hope to find myself while I do what I really love.”