Monthly Archives: June 2015

Tomáš, Process Analyst, Bratislava, Slovakia

photo by Kevin Truong

Tomáš, in his own words: “(Being gay) is a part of who I am. I tend to consider it as a fact, the same as I have blue eyes or brown hair.

One of my greatest challenges (and success as well) was the struggle to accept myself being gay. It took a few years of my life to understand it, accept it and finally even like it. I’ve made some great mistakes when I was living with my ex in Prague, so another great struggle is to correct them and atone for them. I am also thinking of starting my own business, but struggle with the fear of uncertainty. And last but not least is finding a husband who would accept me as I am, help me to overcome my faults or bad habits, but won’t let me down just because of them.

Actually, there are several (coming out) stories depending to whom I’ve came out:

Considering my friends, they were the first. I had fallen in love with a schoolmate – he was a professional bicyclist, and very handsome and muscular, so I one day I told him of my feelings. Of course it wasn’t mutual, he was heterosexual, but thanked me for the bravery and we became good friends.

Considering my closest friends, I prepared a riddle for them, which I silently hoped they would never decipher. Actually, as Google started to be very popular at the time, it took them only about 20 minutes.

Considering my mother, it was one day after school. I had been chatting by SMS with some guy I recently discovered on the website. I came to a toilet and let my phone unguarded in my room. When I returned, I found my mum was reading my SMS messages and asked directly if I’m gay. So I responded with the truth. It took her about two weeks to accept it and start speaking to me again. However, she has never stalked another person’s phone since then.

To my father, I came out during one of my fights. I actually used the information to hurt him, but he told me he already knew it and we moved on to fight about another topics.

The gay community in Bratislava is complicated, and quite promiscuise. I guess it has something to do with fact that the Slovakia is a quite Catholic and nationalistic country with many prejudices towards people who are different in any kind of the meaning to this word. You won’t see guys holding each other hands or kissing in the streets; quite common is that guys do sleep with other guys on Saturday night and on Sunday morning they go with their parents to the church.

(Advice I would give to my younger self) would be kind of “you are who you are, so stop hating yourself.”

M, Academic, New Delhi, India

photo by Kevin Truong

M, in his own words: “I moved from one of the tiny corners of India to the capital, Delhi, nine years ago. This place has given me the opportunity to discover myself, to find friends, loved ones, and I am lucky enough to have been part of both queer academia and activism. Though I am out to almost all my friends here, I chose not to do so to my family and at my workplace. India is still a conservative country that still criminalises gay sex. It is risky being gay here but far better than many of the fundamentalist, homophobic nations. In the last many years, I have seen amazing change at an amazing pace in the way the LGBT movement has taken place in India. Owing largely to the rise of the internet and social media, things are changing at a lightning speed for the better. Now even school-going kids can talk and discuss about their sexual orientation on social media anonymously or otherwise which was unimaginable when we were in school. I have tried my best to reach out to other queer folks from different backgrounds in the capital city and have sensitized enough number of people and will keep doing so.

But being away from home and being all by yourself in a big city comes with a price. Especially when you spend your childhood in a lovely city full of natural beauty and primarily an agricultural economy where life was much more simple. While fighting homophobia has become my social responsibility, I fight urban loneliness on a personal level day and night. While my friends and well wishers keep my spirit up, I am still waiting for my prince charming who will marry me. I don’t care whether he comes on a white horse or an Aston Martin. He should come as soon as possible.”

Ilari, Voice Actor, Amsterdam, Netherlands

photo by Kevin Truong

Ilari, in his own words: “Being gay to me means to be a member of a minority group, which I consider a privilege most of the time. It defines who I am for a minor part though.

My challenge in life still is to let my heart speak more and my brain babble less. I cherish some very close friendships with people I have known since I was four. They know I keep my spices in alphabetical order. Career wise I am doing well as a voice-over talent with my own studio. It still amazes me, my vocal chords are making money for 25 years now, allowing me owning apartments in Amsterdam and Berlin.

I had girlfriends for the longest time, until I fell for a Lufthansa steward in Frankfurt. I didn’t feel the need to come out before I turned 39, having my first serious relationship with a man who reminded me of Sean Penn. Telling my parents wasn’t a big deal. Today I still remain quite private to the outer circle of people.

Like in many Western cities the need for typical gay clubs and pubs has diminished. Bar Prik (in Amsterdam) however is still going strong and I consider it to be an extension of my living room.

(Advice to my younger self) Trust in yourself, confide in close friends, and mess up your spice rack.”

THE GAY MEN PROJECT

The visual catalog of gay and queer men around the world.

Monthly Archives: June 2015

Tomáš, Process Analyst, Bratislava, Slovakia

M, Academic, New Delhi, India

Ilari, Voice Actor, Amsterdam, Netherlands