Monthly Archives: July 2014

Michael and Rob, Canyon Country, California

Michael and Rob, photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Rob and Michael, photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Michael and Rob, photo by Kevin Truong

Michael, in his own words:“Being gay is an attribute like many other attributes, it’s part of who we are, but it isn’t the whole of who we are. Although we, and many others, have faced and overcome challenges as a result of being gay, being attracted to men doesn’t define us unless we allow it. That said, being “gay” is so much more than being attracted to men. Because of the struggle that often comes with it, being gay is to be a master of the heart because you’ve spent so much time repairing your own, being gay means perseverance when everyone is telling you to give up, it means honesty in being true to yourself, it means empathy to those who may have shared your struggle, and it means pride in the value you bring, just as you are, to the community, to your profession, and to your family.

Understanding that I was gay (Michael) took much longer than most and as a result it caused a lot of turmoil in my life and the lives of those around me. Finding a loving, honest relationship, one that feeds my soul and makes me a better person is the single greatest success I’ve realized. I am a very lucky man.

By the time I came out (18 years ago) I had been a leader in the church, I was pre-med, I had been married and divorced, and had experienced such emotional struggles with who I was and who I was expected to be that I simply didn’t want to fight anymore; several times I reached the point that I simply thought that life shouldn’t have to be so hard to live. I had the sense to go get professional counseling, I surrounded myself with people who really did care about me and I got through it. I appreciate my life now so much more because of those hard times and my heart breaks for so many kids that don’t make it through. Coming out is different for everyone and it’s very personal. The key is to remember that life is worth living and you can make it because there are people that want to see you happy, even if they can’t express it the way you need to hear it.

Gays in Canyon Country? I thought we were the token gays here . I really have no idea. We have so many loving straight neighbors that we don’t want for much in Canyon Country. We have our close gay friends that live around the country that we see regularly but in Canyon Country it’s just us and the alpacas; we like it that way I think.

(Advice I’d give my younger self)
a. Calm down, don’t be in such a hurry; spend more time finding yourself and your passions.
b. Don’t be afraid to love – getting it right takes practice,
c. Don’t be afraid to trust-you will be taken advantage of so just get it out of the way now, there are lessons to be learned there,
d. Save more money- growing old with good taste is expensive.”

Kyle and Bradley, Nashville, Tennessee

Bradley and Kyle, photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Kyle and Bradley, photo by Kevin Truong

Kyle, in his own words: “Being gay to me means very little. The way my family raised me,just never made me feel different or like I was wrong for liking men instead of women. I was raised to never let the word “gay” define me and I hope out next generation is raised that way. Juts unconditional love for those with every ethnicity/ sexual orientation/ wealth. You have to look at someone based on the character of their heart. That’s what my grandmother always said to me.

Moving to Nashville from Tampa and starting a brand new life, with friends that have turned into family member over the past few years has been probably one of the biggest challenges and successes in life. Starting my chocolate company ( Facebook.com/oursundaedates ) in honor of my grandmother and the chocolate she made every Sunday dinner date we shared in Clearwater Fl who passed away last summer and all the success we had from it is what I’m most proud of in my life. The last thing she ever said to me before she passed was “My Kyle you will be FINE, out of all my grandchildren (22) and great grandchildren (17) we have a bond like no other, I’m going to be watching you handsome” and she has been I can feel her ever day. I also lost 200 pounds from the time I was 15-24 just by hard work and determination. And about (5,000 hours in the gym) lol. I definetly would not be the man I am today or have the life I do now if I never lost the weight.

The gay scene in Nashville is very talented. From musicians to artists to entrepreneurs it’s a city full of love and light. I love how limitless life can be for the average gay man in Nashville. It’s something I only found in this amazing city.

My coming out story is really simple in a way. I first came out to my grandmother and her response was “OH OK….my handsome boy where are we going for dinner?!?” She always called me her “handsome boy”. Then my brother and mother and it was like nothing. I NEVER felt different. They just wanted me to be happy and they have never hidden my life. My two nephews who are 7 and 4 call my boyfriend “uncle brad” and they are being taught just like my brother and I that being gay/straight is nothing, it’s the LOVE that counts. I come from the most supportive and beautiful family.

The advice I would give to myself is to be ready to have everything you ever wanted in life by 25. That my love life would not be a 70 year version of Adele’s “someone like you”. That a man will want to love just me and that I am good enough to feel love from another man forever. I wish I could take a Polaroid of my life right now and give it to my 15 year old self to keep I’m my pocket to remind myself that one day life will be this beautiful.”

Kergan (Author) and Russ (Creative Director) with their sons Mason and Marcus, Orange, California

Kergan, Mason, Marcus, and Russ, photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Kergan, the Gay Men Project, photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Russ, Marcus, Mason, and Kergan, photo by Kevin Truong

Kergan, in his own words: “After almost 12 years together and with two children, my partner Russ and I were finally married on June 7, 2014, surrounded by family and friends. Stepping out into our garden ceremony, I was overwhelmed by the waves of love generated towards us, fully cognizant of the long road traveled — individually, collectively, and communally — to reach that sacred moment. Many of us who are LGBT have been negatively impacted by derogatory, mean-spirited, and misinformed statements made by others, particularly in the name of religion, and the toll such negativity takes can be devastating to the psyche. Being able to stand together, publicly, with our pastor officiating, and have our relationship embraced and celebrated helped fortify us emotionally, as individuals, as a couple, and as a family.

To reach that milestone, Russ and I took very different life paths, which eventually intersected. I grew up in Orange County, CA, in a conservative household, but came out at age 17, driven by my passion for the arts and activism. I volunteered and worked at AIDS Project Los Angeles during the height of the epidemic, and held the hand of my then-partner Shane as he died of the disease. I later met another partner and adopted our eldest boy, Mason, at birth. Once that partner’s betrayals were discovered, I unexpectedly found myself a single dad with a two year-old son.

Russ, having grown up in Tennessee in a religious household, long struggled with his attraction to men. Pushing his feelings deep inside, he instead focused extensively on his career until he eventually came out at 38. The idea of having children had never seemed much like a possibility for Russ, given his career and his limited experience with the LGBT community, but after meeting me, Russ began to seriously consider fatherhood, allowing us to move forward as a couple. We went on to adopt Marcus at age 2 1/2, through foster care, and finally our family was complete.

Today, we work to ensure that our children grow up to be honest, respectful, and accepting of others. We focus on building communities and bettering the lives of others through volunteer work, activism, and our progressive church. And, as it is with any family with school age children, our lives very much revolve about them and their activities.

In our attempt to shape their lives for the better, Russ and I talk with our boys regularly about any number of topics — life, spirituality, ethics, politics, culture — and how to best grow and flourish as human beings. And the advice we give to them is the same advice I’d give anyone else, as it has long served me well: Live authentically. Tell your story. Change the world.”

THE GAY MEN PROJECT

The visual catalog of gay and queer men around the world.

Monthly Archives: July 2014

Michael and Rob, Canyon Country, California

Kyle and Bradley, Nashville, Tennessee

Kergan (Author) and Russ (Creative Director) with their sons Mason and Marcus, Orange, California