Monthly Archives: December 2013

A Note From Pakistan…

“I live in Pakistan. I’m 18 years old. I’m student of BS computer. Story is about gay life of a teenager. At the age of 15 he came to know that he is gay. He feel that he is different from other boys . His way of thinking is different like his brother and cousins. After some time he like a boy of age 18 ,he was his neighbor. He eagerly want to be his boyfriend . Then after repeated tries he succeed. Then some time he spend with him. Then Ayaan his name then they sex when Ayaan elder brother came to know then they have breakup. Then his family always say ur r bad boy Ayaan very bad boy. Ayaan want to become bold model but his parents not allow him join showbiz.

Ok. Next part of story. Ayaan feel very upset all time and request to God why I’m gay. Y I’m not normal man. My parents even don’t like me. Ayaan want to live normal simple life but some time he can not control and he want to find boyfriend. He like muscular sincere boyfriend. He feel I’m the badest boy in the world. He was very depressed and then he leave his house and he join the gay club mean pay for sex. He became popular in the city because of his ass. And when his parents came to know they kill him. He was killed just because he was gay. Ayyan always say that I’m gay. Being gay is not a disease .but at very young age he was killed. Because his family feel shame of him.”

Blake, Film Maker, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Blake, in his own words: “I’ve lived in New York City for two and a half years and been gay for just a little longer. Living in the city hasn’t changed how I view or deal with my sexuality; if anything, there’s just a greater fear of missing out when I choose to stay home and watch Netflix (a frequent occurrence). What has changed is my perception of other queer men. About a year ago, I directed a short documentary called 20MALEGAYNYCthat featured young gay men living in New York talking about their relationships with other gay men, their own sexuality, and attempting to define the gay community (or lack thereof). The impetus for the project was one simple question: Why have all of my gay male friends said, “I hate gay guys?”

It’s easy to generalize anyone, not just gay men, but this internalized homophobia is a way of thinking that I had noticed in my friends and myself. It felt cool to be accepted by straight guys, to not seem as “gay” or “flamboyant” as someone else, to be able to say, “Well at least I’m not that obvious.” For many, it’s a good feeling when someone is surprised to learn you’re gay (that’s never really happened in my experience, but I can understand the feeling).

Through talking to other queer men my age for this documentary, and my current web series Male Gays , I became more aware of my own homophobic thoughts and behaviors and learned to be more accepting of other gay men. All the criticisms I had internalized about myself were expressed in my jokes or dismissive comments about someone liking Glee or dressing a certain way, when those have absolutely nothing to do with sexuality. It’s easy to attach a lot of baggage to one’s gay identity, but it’s healthier to accept that behavior and interests have nothing to do with who a person sleeps with, and even if they did, the person has every right to express these behaviors and interests. I still may not agree with fans of Glee, but detaching that from a gay stereotype has been important and healthy for me.”

Quentin, Editor-in-Chief, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Quentin, in his own words: “Being Gay for me means something special. I don’t know how to describe it. It’s more than physical characteristics like being 5’11 and 175lbs, more than liking chocolate or my dislike for cilantro. It’s similar to- but not quite the same- as being African American. It is something that is very close to me, but still not my defining characteristic. Being gay for me is not just about sexuality even though it’s related. It’s more than being apart of a community. It is something that I am proud of now, but when I was younger it was a struggle. I created Fop Magazine (a Gay-Centric Fashion & Lifestyle Magazine, fopmag.com) in part to establish a venue for gay people to share in lifestyle and fashion but to use gayness as a launch point not a limitation.

I think the biggest challenge- and triumph! – that I’ve have had with being gay are my own feelings. People can think or say whatever they want, but what is most important is how I feel. Of course I feel that I have been liked or disliked because of it, but who hasn’t felt that way. My biggest triumph is over coming self-doubt and loving myself.

I was fortunate enough to grow up in a community where I felt loved so coming out wasn’t that hard. But that didn’t make it easy. I never really felt like I had to hide it, but sometimes felt like it may have been ignored. I remember feeling awkward when family members would ask me if I had a girlfriend. I would always say no and change the topic. One time my stepmother asked me if I had a girlfriend and I said no, then she asked me if I had a boyfriend and I said no. I guess that was her way of asking me if I were gay. My dad that same summer asked why I went to Dupont Circle so often, and I just said it was apart of my commute to work at Abercrombie, which was in Georgetown.

Growing up in North Carolina when I was in High School I would go to these meetings called G.L.A.S.S. (Gay and Lesbian Adolescent Support System). I would tell my mother that I was going to student council meetings. I remember having such a fear of going at first, but once I started I felt more and more like I had found my place. I remember thinking, “These people are normal and I am one of them”. I guess I was looking for a place to belong. Later in high school I met my first boyfriend at Governor’s School. I was totally in love with him. He was a year older, Filipino, and was going to be a doctor. We had big plans to go to prom together and later to attend the same college. I thought, “This is the man I am going to marry in our backyard,” like Pedro Zamora of The Real World. I was wrong. Later that year he dumped me for a girl. I was devastated. So I wore my powder blue tux with the ruffles down the front of the shirt and my Adidas with the same color stripes to the prom with my best girlfriend at the time.

I finally came out to my mother when I was a freshman in college. I drove home and told her I was gay. She said, “I know”. We both started crying. She told me she worried about my future because of it- like getting a job, HIV, and hemorrhoids. Looking back it was a pretty hilarious conversation. I never really told my dad, but never felt I had to. He knows and he sometimes asks if I have a partner, and I tell him I’m still single. He gives me advice like having separate bank accounts and to always use condoms. Dad stuff. “

Check out Quentin’s Magazine, FOP