Monthly Archives: July 2013

Jascha and Kevin, Design/Communications, Boston

photo by Kevin Truong

Kevin, in his own words:“For all of the challenges I had growing up gay, I can see now the path being laid out for me. Had I not felt so different from others, I may not have felt the need to leave my conservative hometown for college. If things weren’t tough for me as a closeted gay kid, I may not have studied psychology to figure out myself and learn how to deal with others too.

Had I not felt weird and alone I may not have painted as much, started writing, become absorbed with music and design, or any of the other creative pursuits that I love… If not for all these things combined, I may not have been comfortable eventually coming out to my friends and family, something I was terrified about at the time but was the single best decision I’ve ever made for sure.

Being gay has made all the difference in my life. Though it’s funny to write, I realize now how fortunate I was to grow up feeling weird and awkward… It gave me a unique point of view and forced me to explore the world. In the process of doing so, I developed my confidence, creativity, and capacity for understanding others. Above all else, I formed a really great circle of friends and met the love of my life too. So as tough as it may have been for me to be gay at certain points in my life, I wouldn’t take back any of the challenges I’ve had. They made me who I am and I’m happier for them, definitely.”

Alden, Filmmaker, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

Alden, in his own words: “My coming out had stages, the first of which was coming out to myself. Accepting my sexuality has been, so far, my biggest hurdle in life. I’m extremely self-critical, and I’m hard on myself because I set my own expectations too high. Growing up, I was told gay people were different, lesser-than, and worthy of ridicule. I just couldn’t be one of the people everyone makes fun of.

Watching coming out stories on YouTube really helped me put my feelings and experience into context, but I wanted to see that it’s actually like to tell someone you’re gay.When I started to come out to friends and family, I decided to film it so I could create the film I wanted so badly to see. That became a feature-length documentary called COMING OUT. It’s a raw look at how an entire family adjusts that also shows what happens after telling someone you’re gay.

The “gay community” terrified me before I started talking to LGBTQ folks. I’m a pretty shy person, so I haven’t gone out to experience the community enough for me to draw generalities that aren’t superficial. No matter what scope you look at, from the larger LGBTQ community to smaller communities within each of those letters, there is an enormous diversity of people, especially here in New York.

I guess I would say that gayness or queerness seems to be more of a loose connecter than something that binds a community together. I could be wrong though.”

Check out the film here: Coming Out

Chris, Student, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

Chris, in his own words: Being a gay man has led me to love and accept myself for who I am including all the wrinkles and birthmarks. For a long time, I thought that I had accepted my sexuality, but I realized I was still in the closet. Even though I grew up in Silicon Valley around all of these different support networks and mentors, I was still terrified. I came out to close friends, but always skirted the issue when relationships were mentioned. It was not until recently that I started making the conscious decision to no longer skirt the issue and when brought up to face it head on. I have learned to be proud of all facets of my identity and realizing that being gay does not have to shape my entire personality, but it has empowered me to accept myself, believe in myself and realize my passions.

Speaking my mind and communicating my feelings never really was a strong characteristic so when I started coming out, it was a huge step outside of my comfort zone. I grew up having extreme difficulty hearing and to combat this deficiency I have had nine ear tube surgeries. My lack of hearing led to a number of speaking, reading and writing challenges which in turn have challenged me to focus on speaking and writing poignantly and purposefully.

The gay community for me whether in San Jose, Syracuse or New York City has been a web of mutual connections. No matter how far I go, I have come to realize that not only do we share common experiences and struggles but also friends.

Once I started to understand that I was gay, my coming out process was dictated more so by the pace of others than my own. The first person in my family that I came out to was my older brother. Well, I kind of came out to him. In reality, he grabbed my phone while I was on Grindr. To this day, I cringe. After seeing the half naked men, he bolted from the room. I had a girlfriend in the first two years of high school so he was naturally shocked but we were able to talk it through. Went I went off to college, I told anyone who asked that I was gay. I had made the promise to myself that I would be as open about it as possible. Later in the winter of my freshmen year, I came out to my mom, well again I was not the one who initiated the conversation. She confronted me about it on a car ride to Tahoe. She wanted to know if there was anything I wanted to tell her and she reminded me how much she loved me and how she would always support me. Even though after all that support I was still terrified to tell her, I stumbled through telling her. Tears were involved and eventually everything ended in hugs. Coming out to my dad was a bit different. He had a close friend who died of AIDS so when I came out to him over Thanksgiving break, he worried. Even though not fully understanding HIV and AIDS I assured him that I was being safe and careful. My coming out story continues as there are people, members of my scout troop and high school friends, who I have not yet had the opportunity to tell. As each opportunity presents itself, I take a deep breath and say, “I’m gay.”

THE GAY MEN PROJECT

The visual catalog of gay and queer men around the world.

Monthly Archives: July 2013

Jascha and Kevin, Design/Communications, Boston

Alden, Filmmaker, New York City

Chris, Student, New York City