Thach, in his own words:“When I was 18, I told my Mom that I was gay. Both of us cried a lot. She was worried that I had been affected by my gay friends and she wanted me to go to see doctors. I explained to her that I was not sick, it was just who I am. After calming down, she said she could not force me to be someone else and told me to become a good man and make my family proud.
After that, facing my Mom was a challenge to me and it took quite some time to normalize the conversations between me and my family members. Having support from family is the greatest thing to me and it’s not easy for other people to have that.
My family and my life are important to me now. I don’t pay attention to what people say and think about my sexuality. I just live and work well to make my family proud of me as I promised. And I have never regretted or never blamed myself for being gay. I even think that is a gift affectionately granted to me by God.”
Hoang, in his own words:“People are born in a game of life and gay people are born in harder level of the game.
To me, being gay doesn’t mean anything, being yourself is matter. Because when you are who you are, what you are you will know what to do. During my “boy-time” being gay was all about discovering my own questions and gave myself the defend when hearing that is not ok, is freak and unnatural, especial with a shy boy like me.
My (coming out) story, it happened a bit late, I always wait for the right moment and it happened when I was 25. First I came out to my close friend, I think she is ready for it, and it was relief to me with her caring: “that’s why I took you to see another gay friend of mine”. That made me more confident to talked to another friends. But it didn’t work easy to my mom, she was confuse and hasn’t believed it yet, she still think everything has its cure… she believe it is a choice and can fix it. This gonna be a challenge, still is my challenge…
But now with more confident to be who I am , what I am to care less about people’s opinions to care more about what I wanna be and how I wanna be. As a gay man I believe we should not to sensitive about what people think and say about gay. I believe that love is fair to everyone, has no different and I believe gay is a part of the life, no one can deny. That is a fact and I’m happy to be a one of it.”
Duc, in his own words:“I’m Tri Duc, 30 years old, half Vietnamese half Chinese guy. I was born and raised in Ho Chi Minh city, Vietnam. Being a gay was a meaningful thing which was shaped me. Maybe I could look different from others in behavior, thinking, and lifestyle. However, I always tried my best to make contribution, to do everything help my parents and to be a useful child in my family even when I was ten.
I came from a poor family. My parents had nothing after 1975. They had to create everything from zero with no support. My mother was a Vietnamese typical woman: work hard; sacrifice her whole life to her children, to her husband and be a faithful wife. My mom had to manage anything in my family without helping from my dad. He made no care on what happen to his children and let them survive by their own ways. I had father but I had no looking after from him. I lived with two older sisters and one youngest sister. Hard living made us stronger and be more responsible for our family. From a weak, timid, reserved boy; I become an open, strong, confident, independent gay boy today.
When I was a teenager, I could recognize something different in my mind but I couldn’t explain what it was. You know, I had no knowledge about LGBT, had no internet, no means of media at that time in order to find out who I was. I had ever felt fearful of being a gay because I always thought that no one looked like me and it was disgusting if someone identified me. Until now, it becomes history and I feel more comfortable, happier when I know that is natural. The life of Vietnamese gay community is better nowadays. Some Vietnamese people have accepted us and consider us as other men. They don’t laugh at or don’t distance us from. Because they know that one of us can be their relative as well. We have club, bar … are only for gay and some organization fight to protect our benefit but they are small. Same-sex marriage in my country is still illegal.
Some gay men here have come out their nature to their family, friends. Some have sympathy and support, some have nothing and they may face to many difficulties for coming out because of their parents. The rest is not open gay. They look like straight and some of them may get married with girl to hide their real sex. To me, coming out is a tough decision. I can’t show this now because I don’t want to let my mom be sad and don’t want to see her cry. She will be extremely shocked if I tell her the truth. Coming out my matter now is a sin. I can’t. If I have a chance to go to another country where same-sex marriage is legal, I may change my mind because I can keep hiding my mom and find a relevant reason to persuade her.
Eastern society is not a place for gay community having a pleasure life as any gay life in Western one. Nowadays, we have Canada, Germany, Belgium, Netherlands, England, Some states of USA, Australia… have accepted LGBT. However, I can’t state a name from Asian countries that accept LGBT as well. I hope one day, Vietnam will turn our dream come true.
“We hold these truths to be self-evident, all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” (United States Declaration of Independence)
I look forward to a new future with full of hope, full of happiness to LGBT, our gay community.”