Tag Archives: france

Sebastien, Operations Manager, Paris, France

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Sebastien, in his own words: “(Being gay) means waking up when a gay clock rings, having a gay breakfast (including a kiwi), riding a gay bike (and running all the red lights) to go to work, sending gay emails, leaving my office, going to the supermarket to buy a gay bottle of (organic) wine and a gay frozen dish, and going back home. And fucking with the random guy I’ve texted 3 hours earlier. So being gay basically means fucking with men, and I’m happy with that. For some of my friends it means listening to Madonna or Beyonce night and day, or spending 1000€ a year at a gym club or at a psychoanalyst’s. But I listen to Klaus Schulze’s music, I roller-skate and hike, which is not gay, but at least it is free. But I might consider consulting a psychoanalyst because Schulze’s music is insane and hiking in Mauritania too.

Seriously, being gay also means that you should know what happens to your fellow gay men over the world and in your neighborhood. You cannot ignore that thousands of gay people are hung, killed, tortured or raped every day and that homophobic violence is one of the worst problems we are facing and most of the time we cannot rely on anyone to help us. This means that you cannot live your own life without being proud of what you are, without fighting to be respected as a gay man, and fighting for gay people’s rights. You have to be informed about gay history and the struggles of gay activists: gay people should know who Harvey Milk, Matthew Shepard, Edie Windsor or Mikael Sam are, to name but a few, and shouldn’t give a shit about those so-called gay icons such as Britney Spears, Rihanna, Lady Gaga or Liza Minelli for the older of us.

One of my biggest challenges as a traveler was to visit North Korea before this country disappears. I sincerely regret that East-Germany doesn’t exist anymore, so I didn’t want to miss that. I also would like to visit some other countries before they disappear, but not for political reasons, such as Maldives or Kiribati. This means, after going to all the places I want to, I will have very little time left to visit gay spots such as Mykonos, Tel-Aviv, Cologne or Ibiza.

My next challenges are: a) to bald and put on weight as late as possible (because, as you know, gay people are good-looking even when they get old) and b) to get a license in scuba diving.

Oh, I forgot: my biggest challenge would be to meet someone, to fall in love with him and to stay with him a significant amount of time to be selected for a Kooples commercial.

I have no coming out story. My straight brother doesn’t have a straight coming out story. If someone asks me if I’m straight, I answer “no”. If someone asks me if I’m gay, I answer “yes”. If nobody asks me anything, I shut the fuck up… and I go to the gay pride.

However, I have an anecdote to tell you. A few years ago I was invited to my company’s annual party. Family members were invited too. I told my colleagues that I would come with my cousin. The guy supposed to be my cousin couldn’t be my cousin, genetically and visually speaking. When we arrived at the party, two of my colleagues asked me: “Is he really your cousin?” I answered: “Obviously, no!” That could be my coming out story.

Like many other communities, the gay community (in Paris) can be defined as such from an economic and social point of view. And like many other gay communities in Western Europe, we have a so-called gay district called Le Marais, in the center of Paris. But le Marais is different from Stonewall: it is an area where homosexual people shop, go clubbing, eat and drink. To a lesser degree, it is also a district in which they organize demonstrations or other political events. But gay people don’t live in le Marais. It has never been a gay ghetto, or a refuge. However, housing has become so expensive that, eventually, very few people can actually afford to buy or rent an apartment there.

Moreover, the very few gay shops are being gradually replaced with mainstream clothes shops while the regular customers of the gay bars and restaurants are aging. New trendy gay places are outside the Marais: a sauna near the North Station, tea dances in Pigalle or Buttes Chaumont, etc. This is the way I see it, but I might be wrong. For younger gay people, dating or cruising are no longer connected with actually going somewhere. No matter where you are, you can use Grindr or shop online on your iphone. So that shopping and hooking up with someone have become virtually the same thing. However if you are not into shopping or online dating, there are many other gay associations, from gay rugby men clubs to gay entrepreneurs or policemen organizations. As far as I’m concerned I’m not a member of any gay union or association but I’m a member of the Green Party, which is the gay friendliest party in France. Today I’m saddened to see that many gay people no longer respect themselves and are members of the Front National, which is the most intolerant, rightwing (xenophobic, homophobic) party in our country. Others feel comfortable going to church or to the mosque as if there were nothing wrong with the message these religious institutions disseminate.

This makes me say that most people within the gay community are not more tolerant than straight people. Most of the time, they get involved in causes that are linked to the gay issue but do not care about other “minorities” or persecuted people. But things are changing and improving, most notably among far left and ecologists activists.

Now the question is: what is my relation to the gay community in Paris? I must confess that many of my Parisian friends are gay, and many of them are ex-lovers. What a scoop! Being gay determined the biggest part of my social life in Paris, but had no influence on my studies or my job. I have studied geography and urban planning; now I work in construction as an operation manager, which is not the most “faggot job”, except for a YMCA singer.

(With regards to advice to my younger self) It might seem harsh but first I would say: “don’t overestimate the tolerance or the solidarity of gay people”. Over the last years I have been shocked to hear my gay friends asking silly questions such as: “why do you only date coloured people?” or “how can you be turned on by this Chinese man?” or “why do you travel in this or that country? People are poor and homophobic”…etc.

The second piece of advice I would give is: “stop hesitating”. If you like someone, tell him. If you miss someone, tell him. If you want to go somewhere, go. Go to the sauna, go to the cruising bar, go to an orgy. We are almost totally free to go anywhere and to do whatever we want, so there is no place for hesitation.

Finally I would say: “don’t stay alone and don’t let people be alone”. We need more solidarity and more authentic friendship.”

Stephane, Director, Paris, France

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Stephane, in his own words: “Being gay is part of who I am but it’s just one part. It doesn’t define everything. Being an artist, being a French-Vietnamese: these are also part of who I am and therefore also define my personality. But nonetheless, the gay part is important and I’m happy with it.

I’m lucky enough to live in an accepting environment (family, friends, work) and in a big city, so I don’t really think about it very often. I don’t make such a big deal of it, at least at this stage of my life.

But if I’m lucky enough to be accepted here, I know it’s not the case everywhere. I’m very worried when I read reports on homophobia all over the world (including France). There is still a long way to go.

I think that for most people, one of the biggest challenges is to accept who you are and embrace it. Accept your differences whether it’s being gay in a mostly straight world, or whether it’s being Asian in a Western country. My challenge was to find my own balance. The challenge is perpetual but as I’m growing old, I learn to care less.

(With regards to coming out) It happened when I was a bit more than nineteen and still a student. I was living with my parents in the suburbs of Paris. At the time, I was already seeing my boyfriend and staying over at his place, in Paris. My mother was probably thinking that I was spending too much time in the city. More than what my studies required anyway. So she started to have doubts.

When she asked me, I told her the truth. She was extremely upset and for the next two weeks, she barely spoke to me. Surprisingly enough, my father was the one who tried to calm her down. As gays, we are often worry about our fathers’ reaction, but it turns out that, sometimes, fathers understand more, or faster. Go figure why. Anyway, after two weeks, one evening, I came home and found my mother unexpectedly in a good mood. And on top of it, she had prepared one of my favourite Vietnamese meals, one that takes time. In our culture, or at least in our family, we often express our feelings with food rather than words. And there, I could sense something had changed. Indeed, during that week-end, my mother told me that it occurred to her that she had to accept and love her children as they are. And that was it. It wasn’t that bad after all!

I’m not sure I’m an expert on (the gay community in Paris) since I don’t go out a lot and am not totally immersed in the gay community or connected to the LGBT organizations. I used to write for gay media when I was younger and I’m still interested in gay issues but I’m not sure I’m the best person to comment on the gay community. Today, my network of friends is a mix of gay, straight, young and old people from various worlds. That’s my « community » in a way.

(Advice I’d give my younger self) Don’t be afraid to be different. It’s much more fun and much more exciting, after all.”

Mike, Actor, Paris, France

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Mike, in his own words:“Aujourd’hui, être gay signifie surtout une envie de ne plus avoir à se définir comme tel, à le préciser. C’est aimer quelqu’un du même sexe. C’est mettre un mot sur cette attirance. C’est déjà tellement compliqué de devenir un Homme… Mais s’il faut réellement le définir, je pense que c’est une quête de soi perpétuel, pour s’accepter et être enfin épanoui. S’aimer en tant qu’Homme, gay, hétéro, étranger, etc… C’est la clé pour vivre et faire face à n’importe quel obstacle à venir.

Ma plus belle réussite a été de pouvoir m’installer à Paris, seul et de vivre de ma passion. J’ai une chance inouie de poursuivre mon rêve. Le soutien familial est très important et je les remercie infiniment d’être derrière moi.

Le gros challenge a été de manifester pour le mariage gay. Beaucoup de gens ont milité pour que les jeunes de ma génération soient mieux intégrés, moins rejetés. Ils ont parfois dû affronter pire que ce à quoi nous avons fait face. Le chemin est déjà tout tracé mais il reste des choses à faire, alors si je peux faire partie des prochaines victoires et d’un avenir meilleur, je n’hésite pas.

J’ai annoncé à ma mère très tôt que j’étais attiré par les garçons. Elle est chorégraphe, donc elle a côtoyé beaucoup d’homosexuels. Elle en a même aidé à faire leur coming-out. Mais elle n’a pas réagi de façon très positive avec moi. Elle pensait avoir raté quelque chose en tant que mère. Et puis, elle s’est renseignée, elle a lu des bouquins, elle a fait face à sa peur de l’inconnu. Elle a compris au final que ce qui l’importait plus, était mon bonheur.

Quelques années plus tard, je l’ai annoncé à mon père également. Etant plus mature, j’ai pu amener la chose autrement qu’avec ma mère. J’étais très clair dans mes propos, très sûr de moi. Peu importe sa réaction, ça ne changerait rien à mon bonheur de savoir qui je suis. Il l’a pris avec beaucoup de philosophie et cela nous a énormément rapproché lui et moi.

Le milieu gay évolue pas mal à Paris, on observe une désertion du Marais. Certains lieux ferment malheureusement, comme des libraires, pour laisser la place à de grandes insignes… Plutôt que d’attirer, ça fait fuir la plupart. Il est toujours agréable de s’y balader, d’y boire un verre. Mais les gays migrent un peu ailleurs. Mais ce qui me plaît énormément dans ce milieu, c’est la diversité, tout le monde est différent. Je rencontre des personnes de différents métiers, âges, rangs sociaux. Depuis le mariage gay, il y a une autre énergie également entre nous. Plus de soutien, de bienveillance, moins de jugements entre les gays eux-mêmes.

Si je me trouvais face à moi plus jeune, je m’encouragerais à continuer dans ma direction, sans peur. A continuer de croire en mes valeurs et de ne surtout pas me juger si parfois la vie me fait dévier. Ce n’est rien de mal. Ca fait partie des expériences par lesquelles il faut passer. Et surtout, je me dirais qu’on n’y est pas encore arrivé mais qu’entre temps, il y a eu de très belles choses à vivre et qu’il en reste encore beaucoup à découvrir.”

In English:

“Today, being gay mostly means a desire to not have to define yourself as “gay”, to not have to mention it. It’s about loving someone who has the same sex. It’s about putting a word on this. It’s already so difficult to be a Man…. But if I have to define it, I think it’s a constant self-discovery, to accept who you are and be finally happy. To love yourself as a Man, Gay, straight, or stranger, etc… It’s the key to live and be strong for everything coming !

My biggest success was to live in Paris, alone and for my passion. I am really lucky to purchase my dream. My family’s support is really important and I thank them a lot for that.

The challenge was to fight for gay Marriage equality. So many people did a lot for my young generation, so we can be better in this life. Sometimes they had to go through worse things than us. There is still a lot to do but If I can be a part of the next victories and a better future, I don’t hesitate.

I told my mother really early that I liked men. She is a choreographer, so she has met a lot of gays. She helped a few for their coming-out. But she didn’t react that well with me. She thought she had missed something as a mother. And then she learned, read books about it, she faced her fear of the unknown. She understood that what was most valued, was my happiness.

A few years later, I told my dad. I was more mature, so I handled it better than with my mom. However he would react, it wouldn’t change a thing about my happiness and who I am. He took it with a lot of philosophy and we became closer.

The gay community evolves in Paris. “Le Marais” is deserted by us. A few places are closing, libraries, for bigger spots… And it’s not for the best, it makes us leave! But it’s still nice to walk over there, have a drink. Gays are going in other places.

What I like the most in this community is the diversity, everyone is different. I meet different kinds of people, doing different jobs, different ages, social ranks. Since Gay Marriage equality, there is another energy between us. We feel more together.

If I was in front of my younger self, I would push me to continue in my direction, with no fear. To still believe in my values, and to not be too hard on myself if sometimes I go a little bit far from myself. It’s nothing wrong. It’s part of experiences I have to pass through. And I would mostly tell myself that we are not there yet but there have been a lot of beautiful things and a lot more are coming.”