Tag Archives: aids epedemic

A Note from Terry, in Boston…

“I moved to Boston on January 4, 1994. I didn’t know anyone, didn’t have a job, and didn’t have much money (maybe enough to float me for a month). But, I did have a plan, more or less. I was going to study acupuncture and get a job at AIDS Care Project (ACP) – a public health clinic doing incredible work with Boston’s AIDS community. After losing my partner Stephan to the epidemic the year before, I wanted to help in the fight somehow. When I heard about ACP, it was a done deal – this is where I wanted to work.

I know my decision to leave Philadelphia was a bit impulsive, and bordered on the ridiculous. Aside from being poor, unemployed and alone, I knew nothing about acupuncture, never had a treatment, didn’t know anyone who had. I didn’t do any research on other schools, or explore other options for work. On top of all this, I’m a bad student and a chronic procrastinator who struggled through every science class I took.

None of that mattered. At the time, my focus was on getting out of Philly. I had to. The longer I stayed, the deeper I could feel myself sinking into a black hole of anger and depression. First, there were the continuous aftershocks of living in a town where every place I looked held another memory of my life with Stephan, and every friend’s face smothered me in sympathy. A ten minute walk through town was like crossing an emotional minefield.

To make matters worse, I had my family to deal with. Ten siblings, two parents, who never offered to help out when Stephan was sick. There were no cooked meals in Tupperware dropped off, no phone calls to see how we were, no one visited, nothing. They hid in the suburbs behind faith and fear while I watched, helpless and heartbroken as this once powerful dancer faded into a demented skeleton.

I knew that the only chance I had to heal the fractured love I felt for my family was to get away from them. Boston was the perfect distance.

So there I was, an AIDS widower in a new city, completely alone, jobless, and not 100% sure I could pull off this weird plan I basically hatched overnight. But for all of the fear and uncertainty I felt, I kept coming back to one thought. I had a community. And like every other GLBT transplant who moved to the city looking for acceptance, and support; I trusted Boston’s gay community to welcome of me, guide me, believe in me – and they did.

I graduated acupuncture school in 1998 and immediately started working at AIDS Care Project. Over the next eight years, I provided over ten thousand acupuncture treatments to Boston’s HIV/AIDS community. I was working on the front lines of the AIDS epidemic, with some of the most talented, dedicated clinicians in the field. Together, we developed treatment protocols that were changing people’s lives. It was an incredible experience that remains one of the best decisions I ever made.

And it was made possible because I had a community.

I can remember, six months after I moved to Boston, standing on the roof of an apartment on Tremont Street during Gay Pride with my new friends, in my new city, watching thousands of men and women celebrating; and I got it.…we create the unity in our community.

To find more of Terry Connell’s writing, check out his blog and first book “Slaves to the Rhythm” at www.terryconnell.net.”

photo provided by Terry

photo provided by Terry

Stephen, Godfather/Retired Actor/Caterer, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Stephen, in his own words: ” Being Gay to me has always felt like I have the best qualities of understanding men and women and being empathetic toward everyone.

Coming out was exceedingly easy though the phrase “coming out” did not exist when I did it…I was a kid actor doing summer stock, and realized that I was more like a lot of the men I was meeting rather than like my Pop and his pals…I had an easy time of assimilating it as all the older actors were exceedingly supportive; I never felt compelled to hide who I was, but just existed in my comfy world.

My challenges have been to make a living, to continue in happiness, when so many friends in my generation died when AIDS arrived, and to try to be a positive presence on the planet…. I miss so many people no longer on Earth, yet do honor them daily in how I choose to exist here. I adore kids and have helped raise 9 god children over the years, and have always shared life with animals who are constant blessings.”

Diary: Stephen, New York City from The Gay Men Project on Vimeo.

Invisible Years (2005) by Gidi Boaz

Film-maker Gidi Boaz recently shared his 2005 documentary with me, Invisible Years (2005).

It tells the stories of six aging gay men as they negotiate the challenges of aging in a culture that adores youth and everything which it represents.

I recommend you check it out!

Invisible Years (2005) from Gidi Boaz גידי בועז on Vimeo.