Category Archives: Notes From Across the World

A Note From Xavier, from New Zealand…

Xavier, in his own words: “Since knowing I was ‘different’, but not identifying the difference as being ‘gay’ or as now ‘queer’ (historically this word was used out of hate and bigotry), in myself came from the early age of 9yo (in 1964) and started with some games (naked) with male ‘pals’ after school and weekends.

I myself went to a private boarding school in Wellington, where there were many opportunities to ‘have some fun’ both in school at some locations and then after dark in the dormitories, enjoyed by the few of us targeted (but not yet identified as ‘gay’ or ‘queer’) though certainly bullied and harassed as being ‘different’. A lot of this targeted hatred was unpleasant to say the best and other times became almost physical with violence from other boys, some even closeted themselves (to cover their own situation/s). Historically the school and staff seemed oblivious to these ‘goings on’ (recently, in 2018, I met a former school master, and discussed this at length), and uncovered some ‘daddy & son’ situations with students and masters.

It was not until my later 20s and early 30s, I fully felt comfortable to be ‘out’ to trusted friends, family happened later, but I am sure my mother knew for years. When she attended a hetero-wedding I was embarking on in the UK in 1980s, she asked me why I was marrying… hindsight is a marvelous thing. But back then that is what ‘we’ did to protect ourselves from the law and any possibility of being blackmailed or losing your job.

From my early 30s back in NZ, I became very involved in local gay community social and support groups, mostly ‘Spectrum’ in Nelson. We fostered and supported many young gay men at the time, though now sadly many of these groups no longer survive, though could be much needed even today.

I had many ‘liaisons’ over these years, as I moved forward with establishing my own identity. As an adoptee, this came with a lot of sadness and pain, after I finally uncovered my ‘blood’ family with origins from Koteze in Croatia. Whilst negotiating these traumas, I started university studies, as a mature student in Auckland, initially Fine Arts followed by a Masters, which I placed firmly into the ‘Queer Theory’ arena. This helped establish the comfort of my own queerness, both with my art, academic writing and subsequent queer networks. These have since allowed me to have had my work exhibited in queer art festivals both in NZ and abroad, with finally my research published in Germany.

Through these times, I have had relationships, though sadly none endured any length of happiness, as I believe and think we all crave in a friend or partner.

I hope through times all young LGBT people will someday feel safe, happy and confident in being ‘themselves’, and will recognize what many have been through before them to try and help create such a world.

I hope through time the nasty and aggressive elements of the LGBT communities; learn some courtesy and manners towards everyone.

My best wishes to you all and my thanks for the courtesy of allowing me to share but a little with you.

Xavier, Otago, New Zealand. April 2018”

photo provided by Xavier

photo provided by Xavier

photo provided by Xavier

photo provided by Xavier

photo provided by Xavier

photo provided by Xavier

A Note from Sergi, Student, Barcelona, Spain…

Sergi, in his own words: “I am a student living in Barcelona (Catalonia). And I would like to first introduce myself a little. I was born in Ukraine in 1997, but came to Spain three years later, to be adopted by my actual parents. I have no contact with my biological parents, because I don’t know them. My childhood could say was happy, maybe not so much on the inside, which worsened at the age of 12, when I was discovering who I was. I finally accepted myself though, it took me a few years. I came out of the closet at the age of 13, but I came out of the closet before I actually knew that I liked boys. Hahah I did the reverse. All went well until my mother began to see when I got older that I related to other guys, but now we don’t have any problems. My sexuality was never a problem at school that others would get involved with me, on the contrary to some people I was someone to follow, because they saw that I was still myself even though people insulted me.

Now that I have presented myself, I would say that Barcelona is a city where being homosexual is not a problem. It is a city where I feel very free with my sexuality and where most people accept it, that’s because Barcelona is a very touristy town.

Love. Love. I never felt in love, well, I felt love but it wasn’t reciprocated. As they say in Moulin Rouge “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.” I still have not learned. It is a very sensitive and important issue for me, to love and be loved. That must have origins in childhood, I spent the first three years of my life without feeling that somebody loved me, because I was in an orphanage. All my life, from the 15, I began to obsess on finding love and now, after four years, I have not found it. They always tell me that love does not seek, it is. I am a very impatient person and also think love is the solution to everything. I look like a romance writer, but I want to find happiness. I think that love is the solution to everything that is a problem, but every time I see clearer. I have to say that I have had opportunities to fall in love, to have a couple, but I became afraid. Strange not? I want to love and when I see that I can have it I will. I think I want to find love but I’m not ready. When I was younger, I thought falling in love with someone or having someone fall in love with you was a quick thing. But it is not so, and I have learned that later. I have a sad memory, from the past. I met someone who later would break my fantasies of love and make me believe that I was just a sexual object, but now I’m a new kind of guy. I am a person and I deserve respect.

Finally I would say that being gay to me does not change my nature, I have always believed that my sexual orientation is not what defines me. An example: “Hi, I’m gay and my name is Sergi” this phrase is not something I want, I prefer, “Hello, my name is Sergi and I am a person.Finally, I would like to tell you something else about me. In the future I would like to be a filmmaker. Also related to the cinema, next year, I will enter film school and I hope to find myself while I do what I really love.”

photo by Kevin Truong

photo provided by Sergi

photo provided by Sergi

photo provided by Sergi

photo provided by  Sergi

photo provided by Sergi

photo provided by Sergi

photo provided by Sergi

A Note from José, in Mexico City…

José, in his own words: “Siempre me gustaron los hombres desde niño, aunque no sabía ni para qué (aunque después aprendí, jaja), aunque esta búsqueda fuera del sendero trillado no ha sido fácil. El luchar contra prejuicios propios y extraños me ha llevado a cuestionar mucho mi educación y el papel que me asignaron socialmente por ser el primogénito. De vez en cuando, me dejo robar un beso en la calle con todo el escándalo que conlleva.”

In English:

“I always liked men since childhood, but did not know why (although I learned later, haha), but this search off the beaten path has not been easy. The fight against prejudice and sundry has led me to question much my education and the role socially assigned to me as the firstborn. Occasionally , let myself steal a kiss in the street even with all the fuss involved.”

photo provided by José

photo provided by José

photo provided by José

photo provided by José

photo provided by José

photo provided by José