Csaba, in his own words:“I have always had this quest to find a guy, who is like my younger self to comfort him (or me) and heal his wounds by giving advice. So not long ago I met a young man with an emotional mindset very familiar to me and I tried it with all my wisdom. But I could achieve only to scare the shit out of him.
You can not make a shortcut through life with words, you have to experience it. Only one sentence worked: You will be all right, don’t worry.
I think I would like to hear that from my very old dying self now: Everything will be fine, don’t worry you young prick!”
Barna, in his own words:“It is hard to be gay in Hungary, but everything depends on your lifestyle. So if you have the right friends, if you have the right profession and workplace–if you have the right life for the gayness you can live in peace. The society isn’t open enough for the gayness. I think the reason is that we are really simple in the society. If you are walking down the street in Budapest you can see only Hungarians and whites and that’s it. We don’t have any other nationalities in our society, we don’t have immigrants, this is why in Budapest it is so strange to be black, Asian, or to be gay.
It’s not impossible to walk hand in hand on the street with your boyfriend, but it’s not safe. You cannot feel comfortable. You might not have to feel afraid about any violence, but for the girls it is easier. So if you are a lesbian, I think it is more OK to walk hand in hand. But if you are a gay guy, it’s not the best option and I would not recommend it.
It’s not possible to get married for gays. You can get a document about your relationship, but that’s not marriage. We are about halfway, but I think in the near future, this can be changed.
I’m recently after a separation, and I’m trying to organize my feelings. I would really like to survive my feelings and I would really like to rebuild my life and the things around me. I would feel successful if I could stay open in my heart for the future. I really don’t want to stay sorrowful and sad like I am now. I’m just trying to open up my heart and my mind.”
Andrea, in his own words:“(Being gay) means not lying to myself.
(With regards to successes) my activism, which is starting to be heard internationally. I have always been very critical towards both the conservative views of the Church and the violent ways of the homophobic far right. Starting from last year after a provocative performance at Budapest Pride I have been receiving tons of death threats, my personal data including home address and workplace were published in nazi forums and I had to move apartment several times fearing for my safety. Now I’m waiting for authorities to finally start investigating my case. I believe it will be a long and intense trial.
Of all my coming outs, the funniest one is probably the one I had with my mother. I was home in Italy visiting, and told my mom I had found a new flat for rent in Budapest. Then I added I was moving in with a friend. Then I told her this friend is a very special one. Then I told this friend is a guy. And then I told her that we are a couple. Last but not least, I also told her that he was downstairs, waiting to come up and introduce himself. We were having lunch, and I still clearly remember how she basically froze with the spoon full of soup in front of her mouth, her eyes staring into nothing. Not one word (or movement) for a very awkward minute. She knew I had some things with guys, but until then she also saw me with girls, so she thought my gay “thing” was just a phase. She refused to meet him that day, but did see him one day later. By the third day she bought us gifts for the house and told me she liked my taste in men.
There are tons of things to do in Budapest for the LGBTQ community – parties, festivals, sports groups and cultural events. I just wish the community were more courageous and would speak up against bullying, in addition to the fact that I think we should impose ourselves a lot more in the political debate.
(Advice to my younger self) I wish I would have started being an activist sooner.”