Monthly Archives: September 2017

Aniket, Mumbai, India

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Aniket, in his own words: “The time was magical when I had started unknowingly noticing the beautiful men around me, they were always there but something good had changed in me. It was neither a secret nor something I wanted to share with everyone; the experience was too personal for me. Probably it is the same for all the teenagers.

Eventually when my friends started to share similar experiences, I could not completely relate to them. I started slowly unfolding the fact that I was not attracted to women but I was too young and naïve to speculate the ongoing experiences.

I can say today that I was always different while growing up than most of the kids; but it was the time I had started feeling the difference.

Around the same time, I had to go away from home for studying in another city. It was challenging to juggle life without family and the unarticulated secret; I could clearly see the projection of it on my academic performance.

The chaos around my sexuality and poor academic performance were pushing me into my hardest years, I was diagnosed with depression. Nothing seemed so blurred and heavy before, I thought I would be sucked into it. Pretending that the cause of the misery was not the unarticulated sexual attraction but the poor academic performance, I confessed about the depression to my parents. With family and medical support, I could get out of the depression to an extent. I had completely locked the doors of my sexual dilemma and I had focused on my academic performance, fortunately I could make it to the desired university that year.

I never could articulate my own sexual behavior as I had never seen or read anyone like me when I was growing up so ‘coming out’ was never into the picture for me. Apart from chaos around my sexual behavior, I knew that I was different (in a shameful way) so I was scared even thinking about it. Watching gay porn for twenty minutes in a day was the only time; I had to confront the truth. 


In the first semester at the university, an article written by a student talking about his homosexuality went viral. It was first time someone had spoken so loudly about his/her sexuality, everyone did not seem very receptive at once but this event was going to change the lives of many like me. I sneaked the newsletter in my room and read it making sure that no one caught me reading it. This was the first time someone had told me that I was okay and there were people like me in the world. I was thrilled to read it but afraid to face it. The same guy who had written the article had founded an LGBTQ resource group in the university campus with the help of a few professors and students. (It was one of the first LGBTQ resource groups in any Indian universities). The resource group was creating a positive space in the university and I was accepting myself bit by bit every day.

Almost after two years in the university, I met a fellow student on Facebook and we started dating. When we kissed for the very first time (yes, my first one!! ;)), I confronted the truth nakedly and told myself that there was no way to go back from the truth. It was just a month after that I had told my parents, my friends and the life seemed much lighter after taking it off my shoulders. (And I also volunteer for the LGBTQ resource group in the university from last two years!! yay!)

Mumbai is the most cosmopolitan city in India and yet most of the people in Mumbai do not even acknowledge the fact that homosexuality is part of the society around them. Homosexuality is not very visible in the crowded city; everything is behind the curtains here. Before the internet era, secret cruising spaces were the only way to meet other guys. Currently, Internet is providing safe space for all queer people to explore the possibilities.

The exposure to the liberal western policies regarding queer issues through social media is helping the younger generation of India to acknowledge and accept the queers around them.

Despite the fact that the post-colonial law against homosexuality still exists in India, there are a few organizations which are working hard to address the queer issues in Mumbai/India to normalize the stigma related to homosexuality. In response to it, Mumbai has the largest gay community in India which indulges in different events like yearly LGBTQ pride, queer film festival, protests and obviously parties.

I am very lucky that I am one of the very few people who have got the opportunity to be open about their sexuality in India. In a country like India where homosexuality was de-criminalized in 2013, merely living here openly as a queer person is considered to be heroic. With this privilege, I feel the responsibility to help the younger generation to be comfortable with them.

I have gone through the phase where I used to hate being gay but today, I say that it is one of the best things that happened to me. It was not the easiest time while dealing with sexuality but the time has shaped the way I think today. Most of the beliefs, I had been raised with were challenged and reformed on the way. I think my sexuality has been a spiritual accelerator which has helped me to understand my own depths.

As I said earlier, sexuality was one of the pioneering things which taught me to challenge my unjust beliefs, I am continuing on the path of restructuring my beliefs to make myself more comfortable in my own skin and in the world around.

And advice to my younger self: Be authentic to yourself.
”

Emiliano and Andres, Buenos Aires, Argentina

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Emiliano, in his own words: “(Being gay) Tuvo distintos significados a lo largo de mi vida. En mi infancia más pequeña, no tenía significado. Pero recuerdo sentimientos y fantasías donde ya se despertaba mi homosexualidad, que en aquel momento vivía sin represión. Cuando entré en la pubertad, significó miedo. Le tenía mucho miedo, rezaba, literalmente, porque no me “tocara” a mí ser gay, y luchaba, inconscientemente, para alejarla. Durante mi adolescencia, fue sinónimo de calvario y falta de entendimiento. La viví a través del bullying de mis compañeros de escuela. No entendía por qué veían eso en mí, cuando para mí no me representaba. Luché entonces contra la homosexualidad, y llegué a convencerme de que era heterosexual. Durante mi juventud significó represión. La mantuve oculta, sin permitir que se manifestara, durante muchos años, aún marcado por la experiencia de bullying y rechazo de mi secundaria. En mi juventud más tardía, significó, al fin, experimentación y liberación. Aceptarla me sacó un peso de encima, me permitió empezar a vivir mejor, a relacionarme con felicidad no sólo con hombres, en un plan amoroso o sexual, sino con la gente en general, de una manera más honesta. Hoy, representa una forma de vida que me hace feliz, que me permitió conocer a la persona que elijo para el resto de mi vida.

Lamentablemente, la primera vez que se me presentaron desafíos con respecto a mi sexualidad, no tuve éxito. El maltrato y el bullying que viví durante la secundaria me imposibilitaron aceptar mi sexualidad. Durante mi adolescencia hice terapia, luego de que una noche, llorando desconsolado, le confesé a mi mamá que me era imposible soportar el maltrato de mis compañeros. Mis padres, deseosos de ayudarme, me llevaron a terapia con la mala suerte que el terapeuta que me trató fue muy dañino. Con el tiempo pude darme cuenta que el terapeuta tenía sus propios fantasmas y problemas con la homosexualidad, y se dedicó, durante los años que duró el tratamiento, a convencerme de que la homosexualidad no era mi camino, y que se trataba más de una consecuencia de mi manera de relacionarme con mis compañeros. Simplificando la idea que me transmitía, creía que mi soberbia y altanería al relacionarme con mis compañeros, era lo que provocaba que ellos respondieran, a mi supuesto maltrato, con bullying. Me costó años darme cuenta que mi manera de tratar a mis compañeros, con esta supuesta altanería y soberbia, era más un mecanismo de defensa que había desarrollado para defenderme de sus abusos. El segundo gran desafío fue superar mis propios prejuicios. Tantos años de negar mi sexualidad, me había provocado ese prejuicio. Viví durante muchos años auto engañado, y llegué a pasar años sin tener sexo ante la imposibilidad de aceptarme. Tan difícil era, que me convertí en una persona asexuada. Y aún cuando me movía dentro de un ambiente de amigos, o inclusive un ambiente laboral, donde la homosexualidad era aceptada, yo no podía aceptar la propia.

En Buenos Aires hay grandes posibilidades de tener una vida gay activa. Hay lugares para para que los gays puedan hacer cualquier cosa que desean, y mucha apertura a ser quienes somos en casi todos los lugares púbicos. Inclusive crecí en una familia donde mis padres o mi hermana tenían amigos que eran homosexuales. Y en mi trabajo, dentro del mundo de la televisión y los comerciales, los homosexuales no tienen, en general, problemas de discriminación.

Mi historia fue de mucha represión. Durante toda la secundaria viví discriminación y bullying, aún cuando todavía nunca me había sentido atraído por otro hombre. No entendía por qué los demás me molestaban con ser gay, porque no era algo que todavía había podido descubrir de mí mismo. Esto me llevaba a la represión, que sumado a la experiencia psicoanalítica equivocada que viví en la adolescencia, me llevaron a perdurar mi auto negación. Luché contra todos aquellos que afirmaban que era gay y me alejaba de los círculos donde esto aparecía. Me volví una persona más oscura, apartada de la vida nocturna, de la vida de juventud. Nunca me animé a experimentar, ni siquiera a fantasear con el tema. Finalmente, a los 26, llegó un momento en que la infelicidad era muy grande. Y luego de llegar a pesar 20 kilos más de lo que peso ahora, sentí que había tocado fondo. Creo que inconscientemente estaba esperando que llegara alguien, un príncipe azul, que me rescatara y ayudara a vivir mi verdadera sexualidad. Pero obviamente ese príncipe nunca llegó, y tuve que hacer solito el camino de salir de ese pozo. Empecé, por fin, una terapia que me ayudó en ese camino, que no me reprimió. (Aprovecho a decir, gracias Oscar Peña, mi terapeuta de ese momento). Mi primera relación sexual me llegó una vez que pude aceptarme. Lo único bueno de toda esta situación, es que cuando decidí vivirla finalmente, ya no lo hice con culpa. El sexo lo pude asociar siempre al placer y la felicidad, y no a la represión que vivía antes. En seguida me puse de novio. Una vez en pareja, me animé y hablé con toda mi familia y amigos, en el lapso de una semana. Luego de hacer unas 7 u 8 veces la charla de “te tengo que contar algo”, decidí que no lo iba a hacer nunca más. Entendí que esa charla era lo mismo que estar pidiendo permiso o aprobación para vivir mi sexualidad, y que en todo caso, era un problema de otro si no la aceptaba. De ahí más, nunca oculté mi orientación sexual, me negué a tratarlo como algo diferente o especial, e hice siempre de la igualdad una bandera. Hoy estoy casado, con un hombre que amo. Y me hace muy feliz recordar mi casamiento, que compartí con toda mi familia, desde mis abuelos, de más de 90 años, hasta mis sobrinos más chicos, junto muchos amigos y gente querida, que se alegró y festejó conmigo.

Me diría a mí mismo que sea valiente, que se permita seguir sus sentimientos y que no se deje ganar por el miedo. Que la valentía siempre, por lo menos en mi experiencia, trae el éxito.”

In English: (Being gay) Has had different meanings throughout my life. In my early childhood, it had no meaning. But I remember feelings and fantasies where I woke up and my homosexuality, which at that time lived without repression. When I entered puberty, this meant fear. I was very afraid, read literally, because I did not “play” with me being gay, and struggled unconsciously to zoom it out. During my teenage years, it was synonymous with Calvary and lack of understanding. I lived through the bullying of my classmates. I did not understand why they saw that in me, when for me it did not represent me. Then I fought against homosexuality, and became convinced that I was heterosexual. During my youth this meant repression. I kept it hidden, without allowing it to manifest, for many years, still scarred by the experience of bullying and rejection of my high school. In my later youth, it meant, finally, testing and release. It took me to accept it to feel a load off, allowing me to start living better, to relate to happiness not only with men, in a loving or sexual plan, but with people in general, more honestly. Today, it represents a way of life that makes me happy, it has allowed me to know the person that I choose for the rest of my life.

Unfortunately, the first time I was presented with challenges regarding my sexuality, I was not successful. Child abuse and bullying that happened during high school precluded me from accepting my sexuality. During my teens I had therapy, after a night of inconsolable crying, I confessed to my mother that I could not stand the abuse of my peers. My parents, eager to help, unfortunately took me to therapy with a therapist who treated me very harmfully. Eventually I realized that the therapist had his own ghosts and problems with homosexuality, and devoted himself during the years of treatment, to convince me that homosexuality was not my way, and it was more of a consequence of the way I interacted with my peers. Simplifying the idea that he conveyed to me, I thought that my pride and arrogance to interact with my peers, was what caused them to respond, my alleged mistreatment with bullying. It took me years to realize that the way I treated my colleagues with this alleged arrogance and pride, was a defense mechanism that was developed to defend their abuse. The second major challenge was to overcome my own prejudices. So many years of denying my sexuality had caused me such prejudice. I lived for many years self-deceived, and I went through years without having sex, it was impossible to accept. So hard it was, I became an asexual person. And even when I moved into an environment of friends, or even a work environment where homosexuality was accepted, I could not accept it myself.

In Buenos Aires there are many chances of having an active gay life. There are places for gay people to do anything they want, and very open to be who we are in almost all pubic places. Even I grew up in a family where my parents or my sister had friends who were gay. And in my work, in the world of television and commercial, homosexuals do not, in general, face problems of discrimination.

My (coming out) story was a lot of repression. Throughout high school I experienced discrimination and bullying, even though I still had never been attracted to another man. I did not understand why others were bothering me with being gay, because it was not something that I had discovered myself. This led me to repression, which added to the wrong psychoanalytic experience I had in adolescence, lead me to endure my self-denial. I fought against those who claimed that I was gay and I walked away from the circles where it appeared. I turned into a darker person, apart from the night life, the lives of youth. I never dared to experiment, or even fantasize about it. Finally, at 26, came a time when my unhappiness was very large. I then weighed more than 20 kilos more than I do now, and I felt I had hit bottom. I think I was subconsciously expecting someone to come, a prince, to rescue and help me live my true sexuality. But obviously that prince never came, and I had to go alone the way out of that pit. I started finally a therapy that helped me in that way, it did not repress me. (I take to mean, thank Oscar Peña, my therapist at that time). Once I could accept it I had my first sexual experience. The only good thing about this whole situation was that when I finally decided to live it, I did not blame myself. I could always associate sex with pleasure and happiness, and not the repression that I lived before. Then I stood with my boyfriend. Once a couple, I decided and talked to all my family and friends, in the span of a week. After making about 7 or 8 times the talk of “I have to tell you something”, I decided that I would never make it. I understood that this talk was the same as to ask permission or approval to live my sexuality, and that in any case it was another person’s problem if they did not accept it. Hence, I never hid my sexual orientation, I refused to treat it as something different or special, and I always hung an equality flag. Today I am married with a man I love. And it makes me happy to remember my wedding, I shared it with my whole family, from my grandparents of over 90 years until my nephews, smaller, with many friends and loved ones, who rejoiced and celebrated with me.

(Advice I’d tell my younger self) I’d tell myself to be brave, to be allowed to follow my feelings and not let fear win. That courage always, at least in my experience, brings success.”

Andres, in his own words: En la Argentina y en gran parte de los países occidentales hemos pasado de la penalización de la homosexualidad a la penalización o al menos al rechazo de la homo-fobia. Cuando me empecé a descubrir como gay, la homosexualidad estaba asociada a soledad y sufrimiento. No entendía porque me tocaba a mi, me daba vergüenza y vivía como una condena mi realidad sexual. Como gay debía esconderme o llevar una doble vida, me era difícil contarle a mis amigos que me gustaba un chico en vez de una chica, me resultaba muy difícil decirle a mis padres y a mi familia que estaba enamorado, no podía ni imaginar la posibilidad de caminar por la calle con un novio de la mano, y me era imposible imaginarme la posibilidad de formar una familia. De a poco, con mucho trabajo y esfuerzo, me fui aceptando, fui saliendo del armario, primero con amigos, luego con algún familiar o un compañero de trabajo…fui entendiendo que no necesariamente mi sexualidad significaba rechazo. Fui de-construyendo la concepción de la homosexualidad que la sociedad, la educación y los valores familiares habían implantado en mi cabeza y empecé a descubrir que no estaba sólo, que lo que me pasaba, le pasaba a mucha gente y que se podía ser feliz sin sentirme atraído por alguien del sexo opuesto. Descubrí el amor con otro hombre, la noche y el ambiente, el sexo, la promiscuidad y los códigos de la amistad entre gays. Descubrí que no había nada porque avergonzarse. Mi re-conceptualización de la sexualidad creció mientras crecía mi compromiso por la militancia social y política…y transformé la vergüenza en orgullo. Llegaron las marchas de la diversidad sexual, los debates políticos y la invisibilidad fue reemplazada por visibilidad, el sufrimiento por alegría de vivir, la soledad por sentirse siempre acompañado. Esos amigos, más que amigos se convirtieron en una familia extendida. Y mientras crecía y maduraba como persona, la lucha individual se convirtió en lucha colectiva, la sociedad empezó a cuestionarse sus propias concepciones, y llegaron las leyes: unión civil, matrimonio igualitario y ley de identidad de género. Y con esas leyes, me di cuenta, que todo a lo que había renunciado al aceptar mi realidad sexual cuando era apenas un adolescente, ahora estaba al alcance de mi mano. Pero sobre todo me di cuenta que soy un privilegiado, porque si bien ahora tengo los mismos derechos que un heterosexual, parece como si tuviese muchos más, porque hasta ayer, entre otras cosas, no me podía casar, no podía pensar en adoptar y debía cuidarme en el trabajo por miedo a ser despedido o discriminado. Ser gay para mí significa sentir orgullo, por todo lo que luché contra la vergüenza, la internalizada y la externa. Ser gay significa una re-conceptualización constante, porque debo descubrir y re-descubrir lo que puedo o no puedo por vivir en una sociedad, que aunque avanza, es aún un lugar hostil, producto de años de hetero-normatividad. En definitiva, creo que ser gay en esta época es un descubrimiento constante. Es un eterno construir y de-construir de conceptos.

Como gay el primer desafío y a la vez éxito que se me planteó en la vida fue el de aceptar mi realidad sexual. Utilizo adrede la palabra realidad, y no inclinación, orientación o elección, porque creo que claramente no me representan como sujeto que ejerce su sexualidad. Inclinación u orientación me suenan a eufemismos para nombrar lo nefando y la palabra elección pone a la sexualidad en un lugar de voluntarismo. No creo que la sexualidad se elija, si creo que la voluntad pone al ser humano en el dilema de optar por ejercer su sexualidad o reprimirse. Entonces, volviendo a la esfera personal, creo que mi primer éxito como persona fue plantarme y decir, vivo esto, hago esto y no aquello, me acuesto con un hombre en vez de una mujer.

En Buenos Aires existe la posibilidad de tener una gran vida como gay. Hace mucho que existen lugares gays muy populares, que se llenan de gente. Ir a bailar, salir a tomar algo, y divertirse en grupo, nunca ha sido un problema para mí en mi ciudad. Recuerdo que cuando era más chico, no siempre era fácil moverse como gay en algunas circunstancias. Como en los primeros años no compartía mi realidad sexualidad con mis padres, no les podía decir por ejemplo, que estaba de novio, ni mucho menos tener relaciones sexuales con el en la casa de mis padres, entonces muchas veces terminaba en hoteles alojamiento, y a veces los recepcionistas de estos, te prohibían la entrada. Las muestras de afecto en público representaban cierto peligro y el miedo a la discriminación y al qué dirán eran un limitante de la libertad. Por suerte, la sociedad argentina, especialmente en las grandes urbes, ha evolucionado, y hoy es posible sentirse libre para ser quién uno es.

Mi salida del armario a nivel personal entiendo que se desarrolló con un nivel de inconciencia alto. Tuve a los 18 años algunos encuentros sexuales que viví con cierta culpa e incomprensión por lo que me estaba sucediendo y luego me puse rápidamente de novio y tuve una historia de amor muy larga y profunda. Creo que íntimamente, durante esos años de noviazgo, pensé que lo que me estaba sucediendo, el amar a otro hombre y el sentirme atraído por otros hombres y no por mujeres, era algo pasajero. Pude compartir mi sexualidad con amigos, que en términos generales fueron comprensivos y cariñosos. Sin duda, el obstáculo más grande fue mi familia. La primera vez que hable sobre mi sexualidad con mis padres tenía aproximadamente 24 años. Ya había pasado mucha agua bajo el puente, un noviazgo largo, muchos encuentros sexuales y ya me encontraba transitando mi segundo noviazgo. Claramente, después de mucha terapia psico-análica, ya sabía que lo que me había tocado no era algo pasajero. La bi-sexualidad y claramente la hetero-sexualidad no estaban en el menú de mis opciones. Cuando enfrenté a mis padres por primera vez, utilizó esa palabra a propósito, porque así lo sentía en ese momento, y les conté que era gay, ellos me brindaron todo su apoyo y me dijeron que no me preocupará, que ellos siempre me iban a querer y apoyar. Sin embargo, al poco tiempo, mostraron su preocupación y desaprobación y me ofrecieron ayuda de un psiquiatra, que ellos habían seleccionado, cosa que por supuesto rechacé. Ese fue un momento de mucha crisis en la relación con mis padres. 1 año más tarde, ya no estaba en pareja, y la necesidad de sentirme libre para ejercer plenamente mi sexualidad, me impulsó a vivir con una amiga lesbiana y de alguna manera acelerar la huida de mi hogar familiar.

Me diría a mi mismo, que no tenga miedo, que sea valiente, que sepa que las crisis pasan, y que ser gay no es un castigo ni un lastre que dificulta mis posibilidades de ser feliz. Sin dudas, hubiese compartido mi vida y mi realidad sexual antes de lo que lo hice, con mucha gente. Le diría a esa persona inexperta, que no hay que tenerle miedo al rechazo, que no es necesario que todos comprendan. Le diría que unas de las cosas más importantes en la vida es tener cierto grado de certeza, y que no se puede vivir en la ambivalencia por demasiado tiempo.”

In English: “In Argentina and in most Western countries we have moved from the criminalization of homosexuality to the penalty or at least the rejection of the homo-phobia. When I began to discover I was gay, homosexuality was associated with loneliness and suffering. I did not understand why it touched me, I was ashamed and lived as a condemnation of my sexual reality. A gay should hide or lead a double life, it was hard to tell my friends that I liked a boy instead of a girl, it was very difficult to tell my parents and my family I was in love, I could not imagine the possibility of walking down the street with a boyfriend in hand, and I could not imagine the possibility of forming a family. Gradually, through hard work and effort, I accepted myself, I went out of the closet, first with friends, then with a family member or a coworker … I was not necessarily understanding that my sexuality meant rejection. I was deconstructing the concept of a homosexuality society, education and family values ​​were implanted in my head and I began to discover that not only was that what happened to me, it happened to many people and you could be happy. I found love with another man, the night and the atmosphere, sex, promiscuity and codes of friendship between gays. I discovered that there was nothing to be ashamed of. My re-conceptualization of sexuality grew while growing my commitment to social and political activism, and transformed my shame into pride. Marches reaching sexual diversity, political debates and invisibility were replaced by visibility, suffering joy of life, loneliness always accompanied by feeling. Those friends, more than friends became an extended family. And while growing and maturing as a person, the individual struggle became a collective struggle, society began to question their own conceptions, and soon arrived laws: civil union, gay marriage and gender identity law. And with these laws, I realized that everything I had renounced when accepting my sexual reality when I was a teenager, was now within reach of my hand. But mostly I realized I am privileged because although now I have the same rights as a heterosexual, it seems like I have a lot more, because until yesterday, among other things, I could not get married, I could not think of adopting and should take care at work for fear of being fired or discriminated against. Being gay means to feel pride in myself, for all that I fought the shame, internalized and external. Being gay means a constant re-conceptualization, because I must discover and re-discover what I can or can not live in a society that although advances, is still a hostile place, a product of years of hetero-normativity. In short, I believe that being gay at this time is a constant discovery. It is an eternal construct and deconstruct concepts.

Being gay, the first challenge in life was to accept my sexual reality. I deliberately use the word reality, not inclination, orientation or choice, because I clearly do not represent myself as a person exercising his sexuality. Inclination or orientation sounds like euphemisms to me to name the nefarious and word choice putting sexuality in a place of voluntarism. I do not think sexuality is a choice. Then, returning to the personal sphere, I think my first success as a person was planting myself and saying, I live it, I do this and not that, I sleep with a man instead of a woman.

In Buenos Aires it is possible to have a great life being gay. Long ago there were very popular gay places that were full of people. Going dancing, going for a drink, and having fun in a group, there has never been a problem for me in my city. I remember when I was younger, it was not always easy to move as gay in some circumstances. As in the early years I did not share my true sexuality with my parents, I could not tell them for example that I was dating, let alone to have sex with him in the house of my parents, so then I often ended up in accommodation hotels. Sometimes the receptionists of these would prohibit entry. Displays of affection in public represented a danger and fear of discrimination and of what people would say were limiting freedoms. Fortunately, Argentina society, especially in large cities, has evolved, and today you can feel free to be who you are.

My coming out personally was developed with a high level of unconsciousness. I had come out at 18. I experienced some sexual encounters with some guilt and misunderstanding on what was happening to me and then I quickly found a boyfriend and I had a very long and deep love story. I think intimately, during those years of dating, I thought that what was happening to me, to love another man and be attracted to other men and not to women, was temporary. I could share my sexuality with friends, who were generally supportive and loving. Undoubtedly, the biggest obstacle was my family. The first time I talkd about my sexuality with my parents I was about 24 years. It had been a lot of water under the bridge, a long engagement, many sexual encounters and since I was traveling my second courtship. Clearly, after much análica psycho-therapy, I knew what had hit me was not a fad. The bi-sexuality and hetero-sexuality clearly were not on the menu of my choices. When I confronted my parents for the first time, I used that word on purpose because I felt it at the time, and told them I was gay, they gave me their full support and they told me not worry me, they would always love and support me. However, soon after, they showed their concern and disapproval and offered help from a psychiatrist, they had selected, which of course I refused. That was a moment of great crisis in the relationship with my parents. One year later, I was no longer a couple, and the need to feel free to fully exercise my sexuality, prompted me to live with a lesbian and somehow accelerate the flight of my family home.

I say to my (younger) self, do not be afraid, be courageous, you know that crises happen, and that being gay is not a punishment or a burden that hinders my ability to be happy. Undoubtedly, I should have shared my life and my sexual reality sooner than I did, with many people. I would tell the inexperienced person, we must not be afraid of rejection, it is not necessary that everyone understands. I would say that one of the most important things in life is having some certainty, and not living in ambivalence too long.”

Richardo, Graphic Designer, Jakarta, Indonesia

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Richardo, in his own words: “Being gay for me is like a nature call. It comes from the deepest part of your soul. Some people can live with it, but some can not. Just like any other superheroes that have a special ability, they can show it, but they also can hide it. We can’t say that being gay is a choice, but to declare that “I’m gay” is a choice, and that’s not easy. No matter if you are gay, bi, or hetero, you’ll always be like that. No one can change and judge you. Some people can happily live with it, but some can not. It depends on how they see theirself and how people around them can accept it.

The greatest challenge in my life is to discover who you are, and trying to beat all the levels in your life. You know, sometimes it’s hard for us to get out from our comfort zone. Being who we are when many people are trying to see us as a treat, unusual, or worse- a freak. But that’s a life. People can talk bad about us, they don’t know who we are, just let them speak and do what you love.

Until now I still haven’t come out to my parents. But I think they already know about who I am. But well, my mom always supports me, she’s liberal enough, not like my dad. But I’m trying the best I can do to make them happy. I will show them that I can be someone someday and they will be proud of me no matter the sexual orientation that I have.

As always, be who you are. Love each other. When the world hates you, do not hate ’em back. Spending so much time throwing negative energy is useless, use it to build a better you. :)”