Monthly Archives: November 2016

Christian and Gustavo, Front Desk Agent and Graphic Designer, Lima, Peru

photo by Kevin Truong

Christian and Gustavo, photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Christian and Gustavo, photo by Kevin Truong

Christian, in his own words: “Para mi ser gay significa ser sincero conmigo mismo, permitirme expresar lo que siento por la persona a quien amo sin importar las condiciones sociales que presionan para que esto tenga que ser algo oculto e incluso visto como algo malo.

Siempre he considerado que una persona gay no es un ser débil, por el contrario, una persona gay que vive abiertamente su homosexualidad tiene mucho valor, ya que no es fácil luchar contra una sociedad machista y de mentalidad cerrada.

Yo me di cuenta que era gay entre los 17 y 18 años, y debo confesar que fue algo extraño, ya que no era algo que en algún momento hubiera considerado como opción. En un principio se lo conté a mis primos, quienes son como mis hermanos y, luego de terminar mi primera relación, se los conté a mis padres. Hasta el día de hoy considero que fue la peor decisión que tomé en el momento, ya que lo hice bajo efectos del alcohol, y creo que tuvo consecuencias que pude haber evitado si lo hubiera hecho de otra manera. Mis padres no lo tomaron de la mejor manera, ya que son personas muy conservadoras, además me educaron bajo la religión católica desde niño.

Luego de confesarles que era gay, mi papá tuvo un ataque cardíaco y mi mamá se echaba la culpa de la situación. Busqué la forma de alejarme de ellos, ya que pensaba que era la solución en ese momento, y busqué la forma de trabajar en el extranjero para poder escapar de la situación.

Considero que eso me ayudó mucho, ya que permitió que la relación que tengo con mis padres en la actualidad haya madurado de tal forma que mi novio ahora sea bienvenido en mi hogar. El hecho de que mis padres lo acepten y acepten la idea de que es mi pareja y sea tratado con el mismo respeto que a la novia de mi hermano, me hace muy feliz.

Considero que la comunidad gay en Lima no es muy grande, pero algo que me alegra e inspira es saber que hay muchas personas que buscan un futuro de igualdad, en donde uno pueda ser feliz con su respectiva pareja. Sé de muchas personas que han tenido que irse a otro país para llevar una vida “normal” sin presiones de ningún tipo, e incluso puedo decir que yo he considerado esa idea ya que hace un par de años atrás era más complicado ser abiertamente gay.

Si pudiera decirle algo a mi yo de hace ocho años, creo que sería: “Tranquilo, todo va a mejorar por imposible que parezca.”

In English:

“For me being gay means being honest with myself, allowing myself to express what I feel for the person whom I love regardless of social conditions that push for this to be something hidden and even seen as wrong.

I have always thought that a gay person is not a weakling, however, a gay person openly living homosexuality is valuable because it is not easy to fight a sexist and closed-minded society.

I realized I was gay between 17 and 18 years, and I must confess that it was strange as it was not something that at the time had been considered as an option. At first I told my cousins, who are like my brothers and after finishing my first relationship, I told my parents. To this day I believe that was the worst decision I made at the time, as I did it under the influence of alcohol, and I think it had consequences that could have been avoided if I had done it otherwise. My parents did not take it in the best way, because they are very conservative people, plus I was raised in the Catholic religion as a child.

After I confessed that I was gay, my dad had a heart attack and my mother blamed me for the situation. I looked for a way to get away from them because they thought it was the solution at the time, and looked for a way to work abroad to escape the situation.

I think that helped me a lot, and that allowed the relationship I have with my parents now to mature so that my boyfriend is now welcome to my home. The fact that my parents accept it and accept my partner and treats him with the same respect as my brother’s girlfriend, makes me very happy.

I think the gay community in Lima is not great, but something that makes me happy and inspiring is to know that there are many people who seek a future of equality, where one can be happy with their respective partners. I know of many people who have had to go to another country to live a “normal” life without pressure of any kind, and I can even say that I have considered the idea since a couple of years ago was more difficult to be openly gay.

If I could say something to my younger self, I think it would be: “Quiet, everything will get better as impossible as it may seem.”

Gustavo, in his own words: “No considero que ser gay sea algo raro, porque yo no me siento raro, no me siento diferente a los demás; sin embargo, considero que ser gay y vivir feliz con eso es la valentía más grande que una persona puede llegar a tener en medio de una situación constante de juicio, desagrado y desprecio que tiene la sociedad ante las personas homosexuales.

Se necesita demasiado valor y una autoestima muy fuerte para poder vivir feliz, ya que la sociedad va a ocuparse de convencerte de que la forma en la que vives es abominable, y van a tratar de cambiarte a lo que ellos consideran que está bien solo por la idea egoísta de que a ellos no les agrada tu forma de vivir, entonces van a tratar de cambiarte a algo que a ellos les agrade. Creo que la gente y la sociedad en general le tiene miedo a lo “diferente”, a lo que no piensa como ellos, entonces por instinto, buscan moldearlo a lo que a ellos les agrade para sentir que todo está en orden.

Realmente nunca me puse a pensar en qué momento me di cuenta que era gay, ya que llegaba a enamorarme fuertemente de la esencia de las personas, sin importarme si eran hombre o mujer, eventualmente desarrollé un gusto mayor por el sexo masculino. Sinceramente no recuerdo cuándo ocurrió exactamente, pero si tuviera que ponerle una edad, sería entre los 20 y 21 años.

Mis padres se enteraron cuando mi madre tomó mi celular y vio una conversación mía con un amigo a quien le contaba que yo ya tenía dos meses con mi pareja y que era muy feliz con él. Inmediatamente me llamó a su cuarto y me preguntó qué significaba toda esa conversación, y le expliqué la situación, se echó a su cama a llorar y a preguntarme desde cuándo era gay, y recuerdo que en mi mente pensaba “no lo sé”, ya que realmente nunca lo había pensado. Luego mi padre escuchó la conversación, entró a la habitación, se echó en la cama al lado de mi madre y con calma me hizo una serie de preguntas más pensadas sin dejarse llevar por la desesperación; sin embargo, no podía dejar de pensar que les había hecho demasiado daño en ese momento.
El sentimiento de culpa es otro factor con el que se tiene que lidiar, porque una persona no decide ser gay, solo es como es y listo. Si se pudiera elegir entre ser gay y no serlo, creo que nadie elegiría este camino tan complicado y lleno de juicios malintencionados, ¿no creen?. Y para hacer mucho más complicada la situación, el mismo día que mis papás se enteran, yo decido cortar con mi pareja llevado por un sentimiento de culpa, ya que pensaba que si seguía con la relación, les iba a hacer más daño a mis padres.

Luego de un tiempo retomé mi relación, y hasta la actualidad no me arrepiento de haber cortado con él en ese momento ya que ese tiempo que estuve solo lo dediqué a pensar si es que es justo que por otras personas yo tenga que sacrificar mi felicidad. Ese es otro factor importante en la vida de una persona, sea gay o no, ya que a veces hay que ser egoístas con los sentimientos de tus seres queridos a quienes ves sufrir, en este caso por tu opción sexual, si es que en verdad quieres ser feliz tú. Con el tiempo se van a dar cuenta de que eres feliz, y si realmente te quieren, ellos también lo serán.

Para terminar, si pudiera decirle algo a mi yo del pasado, le diría que para llegar a ser feliz, primero tiene que costarte unas cuantas tristezas de las cuales siempre tienes que rescatar lo mejor, y aprender de eso. Por otro lado, ser feliz solo va a depender de ti mismo y de la actitud que tengas frente a la situación, ya que si sabes vivir como eres y te aceptas a ti mismo, los demás van a tomar la misma actitud contigo.”

In English:

“I do not think that being gay is something wrong, because I do not feel weird, I do not feel different from others; However, I believe that being gay and living happily with that is the greatest courage that a person can have in the middle of a constant state of judgment, disgust and contempt that society has with gay people.

It takes much value and a strong self-esteem to live happy, and society will take care to convince you that the way you live is abominable, and will try to change you into what they think is right just because of the selfish idea that they do not like the way you live, then they will try to change you into something that pleases them. I think people and society in general are afraid of things that are “different” to what is like them, and instinctively seeks to mold that difference to what pleases them to feel that everything is in order.

I never really got to thinking about at what time I realized I was gay, because falling in love came strongly with the essence of people, whether they were male or female, eventually I developed a greater taste for men. Honestly I do not remember exactly when it happened, but if I had to pick an age, it would be between 20 and 21 years.

My parents found out when my mother took my phone and saw a conversation with a friend of mine who told him that I already had two months with my partner and was very happy with it. Immediately she called me to her room and asked me what all this talk was about, and I explained the situation, she took to her bed to mourn and wonder why I was gay, and I remember that in my mind I thought “I do not know” as I had never really thought about. Then my father heard the conversation, entered the room, sat on the bed next to my mother and calmly asked me a series of questions designed more unencumbered by despair; however, I could not help thinking that there was too much damage done to them at the time.

Guilt is another factor which I have had to deal with, because a person does not choose to be gay, it just is as it is. If you could choose between being gay and not, I don’t think anyone would choose this path so complicated and full of malicious lawsuits, right? And to make things more complicated, the same day my parents found out, I decide to cut out my partner led by a sense of guilt, because I thought that if I kept the relationship, it would do more damage to my parents.

After a while I resumed my relationship, and even now I do not regret having cut him at that time because that time I was just so devoted to wondering if it was fair that I had to sacrifice my happiness for other people. This is another important step in life, whether gay or not, because sometimes you have to be selfish with the feelings of your loved ones who you see are suffering, in this case by your sexual preference, if you really you want to be happy. Eventually they will realize that you are happy, and if they really want to, they will be happy also.

Finally, if I could say something to my younger self, I would say that in order to be happy, you first have to experience a few sorrows of which always you will always be rescued and learn from. On the other hand, being happy is going to depend on yourself and the attitude you have to deal with the situation, because if you know how to live as you are and you accept yourself, others will take the same attitude with you.”

Brian, Dogwalker, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Brian, in his own words: ” Being gay to me means being FAAAAABBBBULOUUUS!! This is a tuff question for me, I’ve never really thought about it before. It’s just a perfect fit, I tend to think to myself quite a bit ” Damn I’m happy I’m gay”. Corny, I know, but true.

Ive been pretty lucky in my life to not have many challenges. I like to live my life as stress free as possible and surround myself with people who do the same. On the success side, I did just start a dog walking company with a good friend of mine here in NYC . We have been working hard on getting that off the ground and pretty excited to see it grow.

I love the gay community in NYC. The diversity is obviously extraordinary and the amount of creative gay folk I have met up here just blows my mind. Its also big and strong, just like I like my men:) That’s a joke, I like all kinds of men.

I came out to most of family/friends when I was 20, shortly after me and my first boyfriend got together. And everyone was very accepting of the fact that I was gay, and welcoming to my gay friends. Most had a “feeling” I was gay. Haha.

I would tell my younger self to start taking Lexapro earlier! Oh, and to take piano lessons.”

Justin, Computer Science Student, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Justin, in his own words: “Being gay, at least in my way of thinking, is just another label, one of many that I have. Everyone has different labels that make them up. But actually being gay means that I have different qualities than the norm. It makes me abnormal and unique, and I couldn’t see myself without that label unless I wanted to pretend to be someone I’m not. But who would want to do that? Everyone has amazing qualities that make up the individual, and for me, being gay is just one of them.

One of my biggest challenges in being gay is trying to fit in to what the society (mostly my parents) want me to be. Over the years, my parents have grown to understand who I am in regards to my sexual identity, so I am very proud of them. Trying to fit in to a hetero-normative society is not a simple feat for anyone that is not heterosexual. Myself being a gay black male, I have had many troubles trying to be accepted. Now that I am completely out, I have a very supporting family and group of friends.

Speaking of coming out, that would be one of my greatest accomplishments in regards to being gay. I remember the person I ever “came out” to, and I didn’t officially come out to him. My pre-calculus teacher during my sophomore year of high school helped me figure out what it means to be gay and different and how to turn my struggles into compliments. He himself is gay as well, and to this day, we are great friends. He has helped me tremendously with my sexual identity. Whenever I have a question about anything that has to do with the gay world, the first person I contact is always him. I later decided to come out to my brother and parents, and in January 2014, I took a big leap of faith and came out on Facebook. Once I did that, I felt like I was free. It was completely liberating to do that, and the positive feedback from my friends and family made it all worthwhile.

I would conclude that my coming out story is one of the happier ones. I have heard some horrific ones in my years, and yes, it is very heartbreaking to hear some of them. It is unfortunate that not everyone can have a good coming out story, but the struggles that we go through help shape us into better individuals, so in concept, having a not-so-good coming out story teaches you more valuable lessons in a sense.

The gay community is Philadelphia is, for the most part, very welcoming and friendly. The place for the average gay Joe to hang out with fellow LGTB people would be the “gayborhood”. It is located in center city, and personally I call it one of my many homes. I have had so many fond memories there, and the bars and clubs there are great as well. I definitely recommend living in Philadelphia if you are looking for a safe place to live. However, just make sure the area your living in is gay-friendly because there are some places in Philadelphia that are not as friendly as center city.

If I could give my younger self any advice, it would be to always be yourself no matter how you think people around you will accept you. We tend to create a mindset that we have these certain “standards” to keep in order to truly be accepted and for people around us to like and love us, and if we don’t like up to these standards and steer away from them even slightly, we will lose everything. But know this — there will always be people out there that will accept you for who you truly are. I thought for sure that my parents would never accept me; I personally thought they were going to disown me. It took time, but they eventually realized that even though I am gay, I am still their son and care about them just as much as I did before I came out to them. Also, just because you are different doesn’t mean that you are “bad” and unfit for the world. I had this mindset up until 2013 when I arrived at college and met my best friend who also happens to be the first gay male I met that was my age. We are still great friends, and he and I plan to stay platonic friends even after college. Lastly, I would tell my younger self to take risks and just go for it. How will you know if the guy across the bar isn’t into you if you don’t go up to him and introduce yourself? And even if he isn’t, all that means is that there is a better guy out there for you; this took me a long time to realize. But now that I am not as scared to go up to people as I used to be, I have gained so much self-confidence in myself. It has been a wild ride, but I would not change any of it for the world.”