Jany, in his own words: “I hope (being gay) still means the same to me what it did when I came out to myself. The great possibility of finding a guy for me. The hope that my sexy teenage dreams can actually come true! The luxury of enjoying true love, or at least chasing it. And the excitement from all of it.
I come from a small town in South Bohemia where being gay simply did not exist in the 90’s or early 00’s. My parents are teachers and my older brother is a miraculous science geek. I think both these facts made me strive for other people’s praise more than is right. I dreamt “dirty dreams” about boys since my teens but it took me more than 10 years to acknowledge being gay is a purer lifestyle than pretending to be hetero. Now I’m proud of being able to listen to my own inner voice. Life seems so much less planned and more dramatic. It actually feels like living in a movie. Now I know I want to enjoy men more!
My girlfriend and I had been together for more than five years when I started thinking about my coming out. The relationship we had was just great and even stronger. And yes, we also had lots of great sex. There was just the problem: I tended to think about boys and could not help myself. I felt so ashamed of not being able to get it under control. After few hookups that pushed me so down, I wanted to figure out how I could overcome my feelings towards men. And while studying human sexuality, I realized I couldn’t do anything about it while staying honest to myself. The only way to fix my desperate mind was to say the truth. My girlfriend was the first one that I told. Three exhausting weeks later, we both decided to be friends. I’m proud we managed to sort it out in a good way. I’m proud and thankful of my girl, one can’t say how much. We’re still close and she found a new boyfriend.
After my coming out, I fell in love with a boy for the first time and it brought me feelings I never felt before.
Obviously, boyfriends fix everything.
I wish the (LGBTQ) community (in Prague) would be stronger. There are maybe 50 activists and then random groupings of friends. Few cafes/ bars, few clubs. But at least men have everything what they are supposed to have. So it’s good.
(Advice to my younger self) Sexuality will not change after you grow up. Nothing that you feel is wrong if it doesn’t harm anyone. You must learn to listen to yourself. Our feelings are the most precious experiences, don’t let anyone or anything steal it away from you. Being attracted to boys is so cool! And being physical with them is the special sweet spot that you not only can but should enjoy if you feel like to!”