Monthly Archives: February 2015

Marc Antoine, Professor, Brasilia, Brazil

photo by Kevin Truong

Marc Antoine, in his own words: “It is perhaps inscrutable to gauge the exact impact that being gay had on my life. If one takes into consideration the complexities inherent in coming to terms with one’s sexuality I believe there can be no doubt that “gayhood” or “gayness” means a lot in the sense that it may affect one’s perception of the world , for it , more often than not, instills a certain perspective on life, which is marked by a certain poetic melancholy, as I would have it, in addition to a capacity of analyzing the Other, for I was forced to think before acting for fear of showing more than I could and therefore would be trapped by other people’s cruelty.

My life is made up , as most people’s, of challenges. They just change but never cease to exist. My nature is very determined therefore I’ve always attempted to embrace these many challenges as stimuli rather than impediments. I feel challenged and this is motivational. Professional challenges are substantially informed by personal conflicts and now , at 45, my main challenges involve strengthening my curriculum by pursuing doctorate studies in Theory and History of Art. I see this PhD as a contribution to my old age. I tend to be too hard on myself but it would perhaps be unfair to ignore the many successes I’ve had in life, the biggest of which being my having overcome difficulties pertaining to these moments in which I reinvented myself. After teaching English for more than a decade , I decided to do an MA in Literary Theory , which provided me with the possibility of starting an intellectual move , teaching at tertiary levels. I am currently the head of a Fashion Design course , which was accredited with the highest possible credentials by the Brazilian Ministry of Education, I have also curated art exhibitions which proved immensely rewarding on a personal level. I feel better looking now than I did when I was younger but it is particularly cruel to age as a gay man in Brazil and there resides my new challenge which is inevitably coupled with my intellectual journey…

The gay community in Brasília is big, for there are many civil servants here…diplomats coming from all over the world as well as gay men who come here to earn more and live comfortably and more freely, but we live in an artificial city, which was planned and this ends up affecting people’s relationships. I find the gay community here to be far too stereotypical and homogeneous in addition to being artificially “cold” and segregational as regards class and standards of beauty.

(With regards to my coming out story) Difficult yet resolute, I do not partake of the view of living one’s life as a lie. It took me a long time to actually feel that I could live my homosexuality. I was 23 years old when I first had sex with a man and it took me another two years before I could tell my whole family in a somehow tempestuous manner, for I decided to leave home to live with my boyfriend, whom I passionately loved. I was bullied throughout my childhood and especially in my adolescence but it all contributed to making me stronger albeit a bit melancholic. I do believe that my connexion with the Arts stems from the pain of feeling threatened and belittled by the world. Therefore, my coming out is part of my victory over this past of humiliation but equally the past which shaped who I am and I mostly like it.

I think one’s life is what one can do out of it. All in all, I take pride in having done my very best to avoid becoming bitter over the problematic facets of my past. I try to take responsibility for my life. I avoid blaming whoever it is for what may have gone wrong.”

Jeremy, Actor, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

Jeremy, in his own words: “To me, being gay has always been about a connection I’ve felt with men. It’s not that I’m not physically attracted to women. It’s just that I know that I can understand men in a way that I can’t understand women. It’s entirely possible that I just haven’t given myself the chance to even try, but we’ll cross that bridge when it comes to it!

The biggest challenge was growing up in rural Minnesota. The amount of ignorance that I’ve encountered in my life is crippling. People fear what they don’t understand, and I was something that Hutchinson, MN could not wrap their minds around.

The gay community in New York is scary. I can’t walk down the street without seeing a buff dude strutting his perfectly toned body with his perfectly toned boyfriend. When I first moved here I was worried that it took the washboard abs to thrive as a gay man in New York City, but I’m beginning to realize that even if it’s true I just don’t care. I really love myself at this current juncture of my life.

I don’t really have a coming out story. I never struggled with my sexuality. I’ve always known I was gay even before I knew what being gay was. Although, I do remember when I was little I was playing video games with my mom’s boyfriend, and I told her I was going to marry Captain America, and she responded “Yes you are baby!”. That’s probably the earliest conversation I had with my mom about my sexuality!

(Advice I’d give my younger self) Flaunt it! Flaunt it like you don’t give a damn because in most cases you really shouldn’t. Also buy a pair of leggings right now!

Patrick, Policy Analyst, Nairobi, Kenya

photo by Kevin Truong

Patrick, in his own words: “What does being gay mean to you?

Tough question. Definitely one that a straight person doesn’t face and doesn’t have to answer. In my view, that’s the path I’ll take when faced with this question. It means being Patrick. It means being a person. It means being there for my friends. It means being a source of humour for them. Kevin that’s a really, really difficult question!

(With regards to challenges) Too many to even think of and furthermore, being a really private person makes this a difficult question to answer. I’ve been very lucky academically and professionally and I’m very happy with my career. The biggest challenge was accepting that I’m prone to bouts of depression and having to learn how to deal with it. It probably stems from when I was younger and susceptible to bullies at school. It all happened a very long time ago and I’m glad that I developed skin as thick as a rhino’s. I’m very sure of myself now. Perhaps a tad bit too sure.

There comes a time in your life when you have to make a very personal decision and let your truth come out. I had always known that I was different and it disturbed me. It took me a long time to accept my truth and when I got to that stage in my thinking, it was time to share it with those closest to me. I came out at 22. The first person I told was my sister, and I followed it up by telling our cousin. It wasn’t complicated, lacked drama and was a bit of an anticlimax to be honest. Same thing with my mother. I was expecting fireworks and didn’t get any (my sister will probably insist that I have a penchant for drama even though I categorically deny that I do). Truth is, I still find myself having to come out all the time-to new friends, at work, wherever. I’ve never had to make any major announcements. I just assume that people assume that I’m gay and will always answer in the affirmative if asked.

(The gay community in Nairobi is)Vast and varied. There is a diversity of groups divided along age and class lines. There are multiple scenes. It’s really hard to describe it because I don’t really belong to any of the scenes therefore I’m probably not best placed to answer the question. I do have gay friends in the city, but our interactions are completely merged with experiences with straight friends. With the group of friends I spend a lot of time with, it’s very integrated.

(With regards to advice to my younger self) Another daunting question!

-Make no apologies about being who you are-particularly in your dealings with bullies. It’s quite likely that they’re working through major insecurities and might be projecting these issues on you.

-Do not focus too much on what you think people may be thinking of you. They’re busily wrapped up in their own lives and have their own problems.

-Be happy, smile, be radiant! Do the things that give you pleasure, no matter their opinions of people around you.

-Always remember that your dearest and nearest have your back.

-Most importantly, try not to avoid the rugby pitch!”

THE GAY MEN PROJECT

The visual catalog of gay and queer men around the world.

Monthly Archives: February 2015

Marc Antoine, Professor, Brasilia, Brazil

Jeremy, Actor, New York City

Patrick, Policy Analyst, Nairobi, Kenya