Monthly Archives: February 2014

Justin, American Studies Student, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Justin, in his own words: “In the most literal sense, being gay is just an attraction to someone of the same sex. And, in one regard, for me at least, being gay is just that. But when you consider how much our sexuality dictates how we act and dress and speak and live, I think that being gay (or sexuality, in general) becomes something more. So on one hand, I think that being gay is just a fraction of who I am as a person. That is, I’m not just gay; I’m also a brother, a son, a friend, a student, etc. and I have goals and aspirations and wants and needs that have little to do with my sexuality. But on the other hand, that small part of me has had a significant impact on my person, and I’m always mindful of that.

The challenges that I’ve faced being gay have been largely internal. I’ve only come out in the last two years and, in that time, I struggled with what being gay meant for my identity. I think that there is a pretty generalized notion of what gay men look like or act like, and because I didn’t conform to those standards when I first came out, I felt like I wasn’t “gay enough.” And I think that this notion is even more pronounced in the black community; straight black men seem held to a standard of hyper-masculinity while gay black men (the inverse of straight black men) seem held to an opposite standard of hyper-femininity. Because I don’t see myself as either incredibly masculine or feminine, I’ve found it difficult to strike a balance between these two and present myself in a way that reflects this balance, so that I’m not trying to be super flamboyant and “twinky” in order to fit in with the gay community or so that I’m not trying to “butch up” to fit in with everyone else.

I guess that, in a way, this is my coming out story, since I still haven’t come out to some friends and family members, and I left some to infer that I was gay without making an official declaration.

But I first came out in my freshman year of college, after a friend of mine confided in me and told me that he was gay. It seemed cheap to keep my secret from him after he had been so open with me. So I told him, and I remember feeling free and relieved and secure. And I wanted to replicate that feeling, so I told everyone: my ex-girlfriend, my best friend from home, all of my friends at school, my brother, and finally my parents (all of whom claimed that they already knew). Nothing made me surer of my relationships than the outpouring of love and support from my friends and family after my coming out, and my only regret is that I had not told them sooner.”

João Victor, Engineer, Rio De Janeiro

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

João, in his own words: “I had my sexuality stamped on me by other people when I didn’t even had traces of some kind of sexual drive. When I first noticed that I was different from the other boys, when I finally understood the looks, the giggles, the bullying I had nothing to do but to deny to myself who I was and do my best to fit in that world that I had been told that I didn’t belong to. I had to be straight. That goal made me put so much effort and energy trying to be something different that I ended up stuck in an unhappy middle.

My coming out was a long and calculated process. It started with me proving to myself that I was no worse than anyone else based solely on being gay and ended after some tequila shots in the arms of a polish guy in a club in Barcelona. That moment, when I finally allowed myself to touch a man in a sexual way, that was my coming out. I was 22 and I finally felt free.

Telling my friends and family that I was gay wasn’t hard. Again, it took me a little while and some planning to absorb everything that was I going through before spreading the word. I was happy and I wanted to share that. I have the most amazing supporting family and, as I predicted, they could not have had a better reaction.

During my so called coming out process, I surrounded myself with friends that I knew that wouldn’t make a big deal out of my sexuality. Most of them weren’t surprised and some couldn’t wait any longer for that moment.

For people to deal with my sexual orientation naturally I also try to deal with it as naturally as possible. In Rio, especially in Ipanema where I live, I feel safe and always walk hand in hand with my boyfriend. I never hesitate to hug or kiss him in public places. In these moments, the “I don’t belong here” feeling that I mentioned vanishes completely.

When you asked me if I could give any advice to myself before coming out, I’d say:

Man, surround yourself with kind people and be kind!”

George, Painter, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

George, in his own words: “I would imagine that for other gay men, the fact that they “happen to be gay” might be more of a non-issue. But for me, I came to NYC years ago to help me more fully realize my attraction for Visual Arts. What I’ve found this to look like is a search for Beauty, and an overwhelming desire to make things that I feel are Beautiful, and then to show those things to others. There’s those dual aspects to this process: First Identifying and trying to emulate the Beautiful Thing, and then showing your creation to others with a small hope for some kind of Validation. Even Cavemen who were Visual Artists would get into drawing a Bison on the Wall, and trying to really make it feel like a Bison, but then they’d want to show it to other Cavemen with the hope that they’d like their Bison Drawing too. But the thing of Beauty that I often choose is a male figure or portrait, and this means my audience is going to have to consider the gay question, consciously or not. A Homophobic person might think I’m trying to shove my Homosexuality in other people’s faces, but I’m just another Visual Artist, who’s trying to show them Beauty.

As a gay man who studied painting and visual art, I’ve struggled to figure out ways to earn a living. Each year, I tend to make more money than the previous year from my artwork, but it still doesn’t add up to a figure that doesn’t need supplementation. And the supplemental jobs cut into my art-making time. But I have to keep my focus on the positive progress, and not on the financial challenges. I’ve also struggled after sero-converting to becoming HIV-Positive in 2005. Thankfully, not as much as the Generation before this, who had little or no medical solutions. But still, the stigma that leads many to not disclose the information is real, and the ridiculous price of HIV Medication and Healthcare today is another issue that really needs attention so I try to talk about it.

I guess I always knew I was Gay, even before I had a name for it. To survive grade school & high school, you learn pretty quick that it’s something to try to hide. But in one of my first jobs, as a stock boy in an A & P Grocery Store in upstate Port Jervis, NY, a hot Italian guy from the next town over started to come in and boldly flirt with me. He’d act like he needed one more ingredient for some meal that he was making, ask where he could find it, and he’d ask what time I got off. Sure enough, he’s be there with his Z-28 Camaro ready to drive me home. This was 1986, when gay things weren’t discussed and rarely in the news, but he’d try to bring up gay topics – he played the song “West End Girls” by the Pet Shop Boys and he told me it was a song about Homosexuality. I had to listen again to realize he was right. My mother wanted to know what a 24 year old man was doing driving me, a 17 year old boy home from work, and I somehow just came out with it: “Mom, I’m Gay.” I was done with lying to her. She had a look of disappointment that I somehow expected, and she later encouraged me to not tell anyone in my small town, but I now know that it’s just that she loved me so much and didn’t want to see me get hurt. Since I had already been accepted to an art college in New York City, we both agreed I’d be better off there. Her and the rest of my family’s love and support of me has strengthened with time and Communication. I’ve always felt very fortunate with having such a loving family.

I think it’s incredibly diverse, and that people in New York who haven’t found like-minded friends must not be looking hard enough. You can’t judge the whole “community” by looking at who is pictured in a local bar magazine like “Next”, or by who’s on a float in the Pride Parade. It used to seem that certain neighborhoods had like-minded gays (i.e. – the artists were in the East Village, the Muscle guys were in Chelsea) but now with the Internet, social networks are easier to come by. Places like the Gay Center in the West Village and Arts Organizations like the Leslie Lohman Museum of Gay and Lesbian Art I find to be very inclusive and Community oriented.”

Click here to see some of George’s art.