My gayness has only lead to challenges that with time lead to triumphs, for forcing me to challenge the way I view gender roles, deal with stress, and for getting me out of my painful shyness in high school. Though I felt very lonely, I didn’t realize how supported I really was. I remember when I got drunk for the first time, it was at a high school party, and I was throwing up in the bathroom crying “Why do I have to be gay?!” to one of my best friends there with me. Yeah, yikes. Then I groped him, which wasn’t cool. But all he did was laugh and tell me to keep drinking water, and in the morning I didn’t even have the slightest bit of a hangover. Everyone needs a friend like that when your coming to terms with your queerness, or any time really. Thanks Manu!

My brother happens to be gay too, he came out before I did. You’d think that would be a rare blessing but initially it didn’t feel like one at all. It’s no big deal now thanks to my wonderful accepting parents, but I thought it meant I had to hide how I felt for a longer time. The chances of having two gay sons was just too unlikely, so it was even harder to accept. I also didn’t want to hit my parents with a big surprise right after my brother just came out, high school was dramatizing and awkward enough! I also had a massive crush on a girl once, making me think it was possibly “just a phase” (another reason I think strict definitions are silly). So I initially came out as “bi”, and with time our family healed. I don’t wish I’d done much differently because the experience taught me to be more self-assured. But if I could give myself a word of advice before I came out, it would have been to stop bullying myself, especially over something I couldn’t control. I remember days having to practice how to smile in the mirror because I was such a downer. The silver lining is that I smile differently now, and I think it’s even better than it was before. Now my smile is an upside down isosceles triangle.